Revelations, 6:12-13: And I beheld when he had opened the sixth seal, and, lo, there was a great earthquake; and the sun became black as sackcloth of hair, and the moon became as blood; And the stars of heaven fell unto the earth, even as a fig tree casteth her untimely figs, when she is shaken of a mighty wind.
Last night the moon became as blood, words lost their vowels at the moment of syzygy, and ghosts from the past, long thought buried, looked up at the moon and howled for vengeance. And are not tabs the internet's untimely figs, casteth by the mighty wind of ᴛ ʜ ᴇ ᴄ ᴀ s ᴄ ᴀ ᴅ ᴇ ? The end times may be upon us, my friends, for last night the moon was as blood, and lo! Today anyone can buy Google Glass.
Airlines have been having a difficult Social Media Moon. On Sunday someone tweeted a terror threat at American Airlines which was both clearly a hoax and also clearly going to result in consequences this person could not possibly imagine. Much to everyone's surprise, the purported "14 year old girl" behind the threat turned out to be an actual 14 year old girl in the Netherlands, who was arrested on Monday. That should really put a scare into these online trolls and miscreants, right? Not so much, as now #teens by the dozen are tweeting bomb threats at airlines, presumably in the hope that they will also get to be arrested and/or Dutch.
Not to be outdone, yesterday the US Airways twitter account responded to a routine customer complaint with a picture of a nude woman with a model airliner in her vagina (link SFW, through heroic effort on the part of Business Insider's Caroline Moss) which remained up for about an hour. US Airways representatives apologized on Twitter and have since gone quiet as they work furiously on new, "multiple-universe" interpretations of H.R. that will allow them to fire whoever was responsible in all possible worlds, and retroactively to the beginning of time.
The Pulitzer Prizes were announced yesterday, including a huge diss for 2013's feature writers. The Guardian makes up for overlooking Vox co-founder Melissa Bell with a long profile, while The Intercept's new editor, ex-Gawker John Cook checks in to say they'll only be doing Snowden stories until he can figure out what the Intercept wants to be when it grows up. Watch your fingers, because The Toast is hot [via bread-related jokes]. Kurt Loder and MTV News did a segment about musicians on the internet in 1994. This is literally from my heyday. I am old.
Psh like I'm going to order a new magenta ink cartridge just to print my taxes. Govt. can deal. pic.twitter.com/i536qEYsji— Brett O'Connor (@negatendo) April 15, 2014
Today in Crying at Your Desk: "Lessons of Immortality and Mortality From My Father, Carl Sagan" by Sasha Sagan in NYMag.
Today in Hoaxes: Happy tax day! Don't forget who's responsible for perpetuating the nightmarish US tax system! Come on now, kids wearing fried chicken corsages to the prom, can u not? Hillary Shoe Truthers are already a thing, are you getting psyched for 2016!!?? Clinkle is a hoax. Art is a hoax. D-Wave Systems says it builds quantum computers but can't prove it, because, you know, quantum? A picture is worth a thousand lying words.
Yesterday in Tabs: "One Hundred Years of Weird Fear," a long and interesting exploration of race in the work of H.P. Lovecraft, from January.
Today's Song: El-P, "$4 Vic"
~The blood-dimmed tab is loosed, and everywhere the ceremony of innocence is drowned~
Today in Tabs was told unequivocally that I should bring back the bolding, so I did. It was lovely writing for all of you, if this is indeed the end of days. If not, you can read us on Newsweek or in your email. Today's title is by Will K. Butler. Things fall apart, the spam filter cannot hold.