Today in Tabs: MFA vs TAB

Goldman Sachs Elevator Twitter
NYT took seriously Goldman's jokey claim that "the ban on speaking in elevators is now lifted" Twitter.com/GSElevator

Marc Andreessen is hatching ideas about the news business! Has he got things scrambled? Has he just poached his analysis from the tech industry? Maybe Andreessen's vaunted business albumen is not all it's cracked up to be, but perhaps he's right, and the yolk's on us. Omelette him speak for himself, anyway.

But let's talk about the news biz. NYT blandness-enforcer Margaret Sullivan wrote about the @GSElevator doxxing for no obvious reason, and in the process took seriously Goldman's jokey claim that "the ban on speaking in elevators is now lifted." Which: lol. Meanwhile Kevin Roose went full @GSElevator-truther. The Trump Family Observer wrote an infinitely long hit piece on some NY politician accompanied by a preëmptive "we didn't just write this because our publisher's father-in-law hates the guy!" editorial aside, which was necessary because obviously they only wrote it because the publisher's father-in-law hates the guy. Observer writers are normally prohibited from mentioning Trump at all, and this piece mentions him over a hundred times. Draw your own conclusions! I mean, not really, unless you're drawing the obviously correct conclusion. Finally, Ronan Farrow's new show is apparently boring, and in the future, all news sites will be a collection of identical squares.

Emily Nussbaum is not so keen on True Detective's tired bro-eyness, and she manages to get the sentence: "I love a nice bouncy rack" into the New Yorker, so hats off for that as well. But Lili Loofbourow contrasts True Detective a bit with House of Cards's second season for LARB, and finds Frank Underwood somewhat lacking. It's too nuanced an essay for me to really capture in one line, if you watched HoC2 you should probably read it. What is your state's distinctive favorite band? R.E.M.? SMDH. Paramount gets @555uhz shut down for pirating single movie frames, which is both idiotic and somehow satisfyingly inevitable. Hell is other Neutral Milk Hotel fans.

Today in Tech: Nothing you do online is secret. RFC for 7xx HTTP status codes to express developer errors. 90s web developers will cry real tears of laughter/misery at this. "Leaning In" and the Super-Mom. But did you know about the Tech Lady Mafia? If you're a woman in tech, you should. In Calcanis-land, women are "equal," but separate. "You're going to take your phone into the shower," asserts the WSJ in the misguided hope that we will shower or leave the house at all, ever. Drone Ships. Glass Fights. Charlie Trolls:

So Fash: Hipsters are getting beard implants. Normcore is the new #seapunk. Prom Disrupted.

Bitcoin protesters outside Mt. Gox look exactly the way you expect them to. Far from being an earth-shattering new innovation in finance, Bitcoin is actually marching boldly forward into 1907 with a much more easily stolen currency. People with real money tied up in Bitcoin are now planning to make a regulated exchange which should both make the crypto-currency function reliably and also prove that libertarian ideals are a crock.

Finally: Nilay is mad about what you idiots have been doing to the internet.

No Stop Don't: Don't do this

Today's Song: Aesop Rock, "Bold" via Blockhead

~It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in our tabs.~

Today in Tabs visited Buzzfeed in person yesterday, where I corruptly partook of the Swedish fish of the Bensmithing Empire of Tabs, so let the conspiracy theories flourish. Please, if you haven't already, put your email address in the form on this web page and follow the directions. It is only through this that you will be saved in the dystopian world that is to come. If you'd like to share the Tabs or read us in full multimedia glory, please visit Newsweek.com.

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