OMG HAX: My New Yorker article on Heartbleed was popular enough to qualify me for the most exalted reward available to the monocle-blogger, a public radio appearance. Listen to me use the word "lockbox" unironically and struggle before eventually failing to recall the phrase "proprietary software." There is now some semi-official confirmation that the NSA has been onto Heartbleed for a long time. You're literally paying for them to leave your security compromised and exploit it, isn't that great? JWZ is always a good source to turn to at a time like this, and he points out that the NUL-terminated string, the ultimate culprit behind Heartbleed, might be the costliest design error of all time. Russell B. Random reports in The Verge that according to Cloudflare, it might not be possible to steal secret keys with Heartbleed. That would be good news if it's true but no one's sure yet. Charlie Warzel writes that the password is a terrible system, but is a "password pill" the solution? What if someone hacks your colon and steals it. Ha ha no I'm serious though that's scary. Griefer and anti-Semite Andrew Aurnheimer, aka "weev", had his hacking case thrown out because the idea of weev being a hacker is laughable and someone in the court system finally noticed it. And finally, some folks at Detectify pulled /etc/passwd and /etc/hosts off production Google servers via an XXE vulnerability and earned themselves a $10,000 bounty. Well done.
Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius resigned after the March 31 Obamacare deadline passed in what was not at all a carefully timed dismissal that both sides have been desperately anxious to finally pull the trigger on. Her departure was marred by technical glitches, as she apparently forgot a page of her farewell speech. A speech that only began, I should add, after the assembled press spent over an hour looking at this. We will miss Secretary Sebelius, who in her tenure seemed able to effortlessly crank out smash hits like "Health and Human Services Fiscal Year 2015 Budget Request (feat. Sen. Wyden)."
Also Today in Law: S.2206, the "Let Me Google That For You Act." I'm not even kidding. Did the French make it illegal to answer work emails after 6pm? You already know the answer to that I'm sure. And if this section tickled your legal fancy, first of all I apologize for getting all up in your legal fancy. That was wrong of me, and I regret it. Second, you should check out "5 Useful Articles", which is a weekly newsletter about intellectual property law by Sarah Jeong and Parker Higgins and I swear it's much more interesting than that sounds.
Did you do your taxes yet? I did mine last night, and it sucked! Vox has a tantalizing glimpse of the better world that could be ours but never will. Speaking of which, Ezra Klein assessed his first week with Joe Coscarelli and found it pretty darn ok. Someone threw a shoe at future President Hillary Clinton (in Vegas, of course). Is everyone getting psyched for the 2016 race!!!!???? I know I am.
I'm Johnny Knoxville and this is "Today In Tabs" *gets hit in the nuts with bad internet articles*— Katie Notopoulos (@katienotopoulos) April 11, 2014
Here are five good pieces of usage advice from David Foster Wallace, via Kottke. Kevin Roose points out that the business model of our concierge-welfare startups is to funnel money from the working class, like teachers and city employees, up to the super rich in the form of venture capitalists, who then use it to subsidize small luxuries for the slightly rich. Josh Barro doesn't see how that could ever go wrong. Marinecoin is Bitcoin without the veneer of sanity. Check Your Privilege. Hey! Let's make this the first and also last Today in Tabs appearance of the phrase "lab-grown vagina!" Same but double for the phrase "supercut of NYC rats." The YOLO Pages Trailer: caution its scarey!
Two Good Reads: "How I Ruined Manhattan by Moving to Queens by Jaya Saxena, and American Blogger: Finally, Someone Thinks Of The White Women by Danielle Henderson
Well I guess that's about—
Oh! I almost forgot! Here's conservative cautionary-tale Ben Shapiro comparing Stephen Colbert's satirical character to blackface.
That's it for Tabs, Have a great weekend!
~ The tab that lasts over time is the tab which still speaks to us when all contemporary interest in that tab is extinct.~