Today in Tabs: Oates Jumps Shark

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Joyce Carol Oates weighs in on Woody Allen, by critiquing a literary classic, and AOL's CEO comments about "distressed babies" John Javellana/Reuters

Don't call it a news dump, but Friday evening the New York Times published Woody Allen's response to Dylan Farrow's recently renewed allegations of sexual abuse. This puts the Times in the awkward position of having declined to publish Farrow's letter as an editorial but publishing Allen's response. Farrow responded on the Hollywood Reporter, Maureen Orth pointed out some facts in Vanity Fair, and by far the best explanation I've seen why you should not believe Woody Allen is this blog post by Lili Loofbourow.

Woody/Dylan is the kind of tab that has started doing damage to people unrelated to the original controversy, like Joyce Carol Oates, who spoke up inadvisably on Twitter, comparing actual child abuse to writing a book:

Which, ok, that's pretty bad, but she went on to play the "lynch mob" card, in an admirable effort to shed a few more of those pesky followers:

Um. At least she invented oatmeal? Anyway, all of this is still not touching Bill Cosby.

AOL Chief Executive Jerk Tim Armstrong's comments about "distressed babies" only looked worse by the end of last week. First his numbers were cast into doubt by Olga Khazan. Eventually one of the formerly-distressed parents came forward to tell her story, which doesn't make Armstrong look any more sympathetic. But perhaps the worst blow was when, Friday afternoon, this troll-haired late-90's time-traveling buffoon appeared on live TV representing AOL. It's hard not to wonder how much AOL is paying self-proclaimed "digital prophet" Shingy. If it was a joke, it would be hilarious. If.

In NYMag, Kevin Roose reports at length on Silicon Valley's renewed effort to get into politics. Let's just hope it's not these idiots ("And it’s like, ‘Oh. Done.’ We have a mechanical bull. Game-changer. Innovate.").

In the world of the platisher, Omidyar & Greenwald's news thing First Look launched today with a report on the NSA targeting drone strikes with phone data. The site has been occasionally available, so good luck.

Flappy Bird may show game publishers that they don't know what the gaming public wants, but one thing it definitely shows that we do want is Flappy Bird. Unfortunately, now we can't have that either. You could try Clam Smackdown instead? Or a Flappy Bird clone? Herrman thinks you should try Badland. I will probably go back to not playing games, myself.

Everything is a Hoax, chapter 3,261: Amanda's Brain Cancer.

Don't think of it as global ecological collapse, think of it as a really good time to be a jellyfish. Don't think of it as slaughtering a healthy young giraffe, think of it as a really good day to be a lion. Don't think of it as the hideously cynical exploitation of a tragic death, this of it as... actually that's pretty much all this is. At least it was briefly a good day to be a panda.

Get ready for ZOMBEAVERS. NFL prospect Michael Sam comes out which will make him, somewhat unbelievably, the first openly gay NFL player. How can that even be, srsly? Brands are over. Industry Accurately Parodied.

The Freshest Internet Slang: CTT

Today's Song: Dan Le Sac vs. Scroobius Pip, "You Will See Me"

~No point in mentioning these tabs, I thought. Poor bastard will see them soon enough.~

Thanks to Tim Maly for today's quote! Today in Tabs is brought to you by Newsweek.com, where some production work has us looking nicer than ever, and email which is a bit more snazzy lately too. I tweet @rustyk5 and occasionally @TodayinTabs. I email at tips@todayintabs.com. I sing in the shower. Sometimes.

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