Today in Tabs: Post-tab

Tortoise-hating rancher Cliven Bundy Jim Urquhar/Reuters

Felix Salmon announced earlier this week that he is leaving Reuters, which has become the Event Horizon of news organizations ever since its ill-fated Reuters Next project traveled through a wormhole in space-time and found itself in Hell last year. Salmon revealed yesterday that he is going to work for a 6-month-old TV network called Fusion, explaining the move in a Medium post that consists mainly of euphemisms for "they're paying me a lot of money." Fusion, a joint venture between Disney-ABC and Univision, is kind of like fusion cuisine, except instead of pizza with brisket it's talk shows with puppets. After enthusing about all the great business models available to digital content shops now, Salmon manages to avoid using the word "depressingly" in his explanation that Fusion will make money by sticking a cash-sucking proboscis into that fat check you write your monopoly cable provider every month, and streaming cynical garbage like The Bro Cave for your slack-jawed millennial face to "consume." "[T]he core of what I do at Fusion will be post-text," writes Salmon, showing us what a difference that tiny little hyphen can make. Please post text, Felix, not "post-text."

"I want to tell you one more thing I know about the Negro," said tortoise-hating rancher Cliven Bundy in the New York Times, and suddenly Senators Rand Paul and Dean Heller and Texas Gubernatorial candidate Greg Abbott were just gone, like when Scooby-Doo's legs turn into an opaque circle. Bundy's stand against the Federal Bureau of Land Management, which I am hereby naming "The Dipshit Rebellion," is one of those rare instances where sleaze like Bill Kristol get to look semi-principled, and Jon Stewart used it to good effect in his ongoing feud with antibiotic-resistant media garbage patch Sean Hannity. Also Today in Negroes: You'd think conservatives would be more wary about that word but I guess not.

Not Neutrality: The FCC signaled that it would consider allowing internet services to pay broadband carriers for better access, in effect allowing Netflix to charge you more money so it can pay Comcast to provide you the broadband service you already pay Comcast for. FCC Chairman and allegedly-former cable industry lobbyist Tom Wheeler made a statement on the ruling, explaining that "all services will have the exact same opportunity to pay more if they want their content delivered reliably. And what could be more neutral than that?" Wheeler then started to say something about "the Negro" before he was hustled away by assistants. Here's Tim Wu in the New Yorker if you need to know more on why this is a bad idea.

I Splain, You Splain: Relax, explainer sites aren't that bad says Herrman. But I think you'll find this analysis of Dril tweets illuminating. Good news: Robin Sloan investigates what "Fiona" is doing in Kindle URLs. Feeling behind? Here's NYMag on why NYMag was down yesterday. Does your Dad keep asking you about Bitcoin? He might be a crypto-anarchist weirdo. But this Vox 'splain on bitcoin as a platform is pretty smart. God has some DATA for you about the real problem with female masturbation. Are you missing the big tech news of the day? Let Veronica De souza break it down.

Today in Piketty: Now that we know what he's like on tour and how to pronounce his name, here's Yglesias on what Thomas Piketty actually thinks. Wait, hear me out! Yglesias is a good place to start because he can be counted on to represent the dumb person's view of anything. Also he's not called upon to render an opinion here, and you can read the entire Q&A yourself. It's win-win!

Trailer for Patricia Lockwood's upcoming book released on Instagram. How we fav now. James Franco photo exhibit "emarassingly clueless." Mills Baker on design's duds and the risk of designers losing their seat at the leadership table. Oculus Rift-controlled drone is both obvious and awesome. Browser plugin to copy and paste text from images is both totally unexpected and awesome. Command-line tool to make gifs from YouTube videos is just plain awesome. I matched most of these words to their coining authors on my second guess, for some reason.

Today in Nightmares: Wasp nest with screaming human face.

Today's Song: Lorde, "Tennis Court" (Flume remix)

Today's Other Song: A$AP Mob, "Xscape" (feat A$AP Twelvyy).

Today's Other Other Song: 30 min of Aesop Rock beats and outtakes, "The Blob." It's a good day for today's song.

~Let's go down to the tennis court, and tab it up like yeah (yeah)~

Today in Tabs: Newsweek | Email | @rustyk5 |

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