Today in Tabs: Someone Comes to Tab, Someone Leaves Tab

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Snapchat may already past its nominal $3 billion value, as Whisper and Secret vie to be the next overhyped thing the Olds can't understand Eric Thayer/Reuters

People sure are getting new jobs and leaving old ones! John Cook left Gawker to work on "a Bob Avakian-funded radical pamphlet that he will be passing out at Union Square every day between 1 p.m. and 3 p.m" according to new Gawker Whip Hand Max Read. Android specialist Sara Haider is leaving Twitter for Secret, adding hers to the growing pile of empty post-IPO golden handcuffs littering the Twitter lobby. Re/Code also has Nilay Patel leaving the Verge for fellow Vox Media property Vox but Tabs's deep insider sources at Vox assure me that it's not so much Nilay leaving the Verge as Nilay spreading his magic Nilay-butter around the larger organization. "Magic Nilay-butter" is definitely not a phrase I made up and then attributed to an anonymous source, by the way. I would never do that. The Verge, on the other hand, just added former Fader editor Matthew Schnipper to head up long-form and culture writing, in keeping with Verge editor Josh Topolsky's overweening Caesar-like ambition to go beyond the constraints of a mere tech blog. This American Life is apparently parting ways with distributor PRI but it's hard to imagine TAL will have any trouble finding distribution. And finally, the new-hires Booby Prize winner is: The Atlantic, who just hired David Frum as Senior Editor (sad trombone). Better luck next time, fellas.

How about those secret-sharing apps huh? Hoo boy they sure aren't going to be really faddish and then forgotten in the next couple weeks are they? No way. Remember Snapchat? danah boyd says Snapchat is all about attention, and she has a point. But I fear Snapchat is already past its nominal $3 billion value days, as Whisper and Secret vie to be the next overhyped thing the Olds can't understand. This weekend The New York Times told us that Buzzfeed and Whisper are forging a content partnership, under which "15 BuzzFeed writers will search Whisper for possible articles." While it may be too late to save those who have already died of despair for the future of news, I am told that this doesn't mean there is a staff of 15 millennials scouring Whisper for posts, merely that 15 staffers have agreed to add Whisper to their usual wide range of sources. But while Whisper continues to juice its Neetzan Zimmerman mojo, Secret is fast gaining a rep as a cyberbully's dream come true.

This is neither here nor there really but do you remember Twitter Music? No? Neither does anyone else. This bit of news is sitting here all alone because I couldn't figure out where to even put it. Much like Twitter Music! Ha ha irony.

Today in Handy Tab Utilities: Have you ever run across a tab so terrible you wish you could blow it up? Well now you can! Here, give it a try on this hideously dumb debate between Rick Moody and Dean Wareham about Daft Punk! Boom! Isn't that satisfying?

Silicon Valley drives 26-year-olds to look into hair transplants in its endless quest to find new ways to be awful. See also white guys wearing Oculus Rifts; the American Bro; how a drone can hack your iPhone.

But How about The Good? There are good things on the internet. Look, Michelle Dean about missing planes on Gawker. Or Grendan on the Twitter crush: "'I’m dead inside,' [Nicole He] said." That's just quality reporting. You definitely already saw Jimmy Fallon and Billy Joel doing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" on an iPad but go watch it again, it's still good. And who's crying at a Teddy Grahams ad? It's not me. It's not. Shut up. Also the NY Post of all things reminds us that even the 1% is mostly an empty husk, all glamour and no actual money supporting it.

Aaaand we're Back to the Awful: On his way out, Y Combinator founder and Obama birther Paul Graham decided to make a tiny change that only affects everything about how the startup accelerator's men's rights themed message board Hacker News works. Jonas Wisser points out why this is garbage thinking about a garbage forum from a garbage leader.

First Listen: The Cloud Nothings 'Here And Nowhere Else' is streaming on NPR today

Today's Song: Andrew Jackson Jihad "Children of God" from their upcoming "Christmas Island" album, out May 6

~My tabs are small, I know. But they’re not yours. They are my own.~

Today in Tabs just barely survived this day. We're on Newsweek.com and we're all up in your email. Thanks to James Hannaway for today's quote. Follow @rustyk5. Or don't! Live your lief.

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