Today in Tabs: The State of Our Tabs is Strong

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Obama's SOTU gets three GOP responses, Tom Perkins has a $250,000 watch and Reddit is still made of monsters. It's Today in Tabs. Daniel Acker/Bloomberg via getty

President Obama will give the State of the Union speech tonight at 9PM Eastern, after which the Republicans will provide three different rebuttals corresponding to the three main currents of conservative thought: "Obama is wrong," "Democracy is wrong," and "Beware the coming of the Lizardfolk." This is to demonstrate that today's GOP is a "big tent" party, capable of bringing together disparate views along a whole spectrum from the incorrect through the unacceptable, and all the way out to the completely crazy. It's a solid electoral strategy with midterms fast approaching.

Embattled penthouse-haver Tom Perkins took to Bloomberg yesterday to, theoretically, defend his ridiculous opinions but actually to brag about how expensive his watch is. Thinkpieces continued to proliferate of course, but all I can think, watching that Bloomberg video, is how tender and delicious Perkins looks. Like a well-moisturized veal.

Despite a fat and unprotected target, old-media swipes at Ezra Klein's new whatever keep missing. Jack Shafer attempts a critique but mostly just demonstrates that he doesn't know what a CMS is. George Packer fares a bit betterin the New Yorker but sums up with a flaccid "maybe quality is overrated, anyway." Sure, who cares I guess, why did I even just read that? It took The Awl zeroing in on the word "wunderkind" to finally hit something. Also, not to be forgotten, Nate Silver posted an update to fivethirtyeight.com saying that he's, you know, doing stuff too. With burritos, I guess.

This is your occasional reminder that Reddit is made of nothing but monsters. Tragically, one day it will be all we have left.

Today in Elon: Annotating Buzz Bissinger's "The Killing Trail." (long) and My Own Private (short).

Macklemore is like ¯_(ツ)_/¯Pizza DebatedChen on GucciferToday in Incredibly Gross Leering. Activist sentenced to read Gladwell has a solid case for "cruel and unusual punishment" appeal. Headline "Abandoned Baby in Duffle Bag Actually Three Huge Snakes" found to be unimprovable. Chili Peppers to (maybe) cover Led Zepplin's Dazed and Confused at the Super Bowl? We are all That Guy.

ICYMI: It is gone now. It will never come back again. It hurt, but even the pain has passed on, and the memory of pain doesn't feel like anything at all.

Today's Whatever This Is: BREAKING MADDEN: SUPER BOWL XLVIII

Pointless But Awesome: Drone Launches Rocket

~There's a lady who's sure, all that glitters is tabs~

It was a cold year, ought-six, and we had nought but parsnips to eat and none too many at that. Today in Tabs was brung to us by the Newsweek.com man every day, but the rich folks up on the hill, them that had meat for a Thursday, they got it delivered by email right enough. If we wanted to follow @rustyk5 on twitter it was uphill in the snow, both ways! You kids today have it easy - Yes, I'll have the lobster, thank you so much my dear. Have it easy I say. No character.

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