"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking that I'm a leading Swiss semiologist and pioneer of structural linguistics." "How can you be Saussure?"— Nicholas Pegg (@NicholasPegg) March 11, 2014
I seem to have become a Marxist public intellectual,” says n+1 cofounder and winner of the 2014 Nobel Prize in Lack of Self-Awareness Benjamin Kunkel near the beginning of this outstanding David Wallace-Wells profile. Stuffed full of hilarious details like "In an airy two-bedroom apartment with 14-foot ceilings on the eastern edge of the city, he’s spent the past few years giving himself an autodidact’s crash course on the unsustainability of global capitalism..." and "The dedication page reads, 'For/who can use it.'," this is truly a great piece of profile writing, because I don't think a Kunkel admirer would find anything to object to in it. The absurdity of the subject is allowed to speak for itself, and thus does the tab transcend the limitations of its own form.
Tragically failing to transcend its own limitations is this NY Times Magazine tab by (I'm not making this up) a CS grad student and future Uber intern. "A few weeks ago, a programmer friend and I were talking about unhappiness, in particular the kind of unhappiness that arises when you are 21 and lavishly educated with the world at your feet." It goes on and on but I haven't made it past that sentence, really.
Somebody needs to do a Sinatra/cold-style piece called Nate Silver's Pants Are Too Tight.— Nick Pavich (@Nick_Pavich) March 12, 2014
Emily Bell points out the obvious in the Guardian, noting that the recent rise of the "brand-journalist startup" is overwhelmingly white and male. Up for particularly sharp criticism is snug-trousered quant Nate Silver's vaunted hiring matrix which despite having two axes!! and being stored on a computer!! has nonetheless selected 13 men and only 6 women for hiring so far, and also seems to be subject to something Silver calls "clubhouse chemistry," which must have to do with elements and carbon? I don't know I'm not good at science, I'm just a pundit lol. Meanwhile, the Guardian, with spectacular timing, just announced that it is hiring Feministing founder Jessica Valenti as a columnist.
@ryanchittum: 6 into 19 is 31.6% (>30%). Not that there's a need for journalists to have better math skills or anything.— Nate Silver (@NateSilver538) March 12, 2014
Tim Maly writes in to say: "Author of article called "There is no gender gap in tech salaries" surprised people took her to be saying there is no gender gap in tech salaries." He also points to a good analysis here. The fishmonger industry got a jump on diversity in ownership a long time ago. But in television, guess who gets the most flak about diversity? Come on, this is tabs, you're going to be disappointed by the answer to that.
Yahoo pedal-bike-powered "yodel" caravan doing wonders to dispel their brand as overwrought and annoying pic.twitter.com/yozb1OeDJk— laura olin (@lauraolin) March 10, 2014
Gawker founder and person concerned about African American visibility Nick Denton had a busy day yesterday, taking to perpetually-new Gawker media platform Kinja to hold a "company meeting" which as of now has collected 523 replies that you can read two at a time. Somewhere in there Denton said: "The initial target of Kinja is Matt Buchanan. Or people like him. Twitter-using journalists, the kind of person who settles down with a laptop at 10pm, pulls on an e-cig, and stirs up shit on Twitter." which I quote in full here because lol. Denton also had some words for Buzzfeed and Jonah Peretti, calling them "pointless," "shameless," and under his breath "a huge buttface" and "such... such a jerkwad I mean seriously."
Professional dumbass Bill O'Reilly criticized Obama's "Ferns" appearance yesterday, saying that Abe Lincoln would never have done it. O'Reilly was then mocked. But also everyone scrambled to get a piece up, or a link to their existing piece, about Lincoln's sense of humor which was apparently famous but zzzzzzz. So that's another thing that O'Reilly owes us for. Please, I beg you, don't use tabs as a peg for real journalism. You're only encouraging them.
David Kushner found Flappy Bird creator Dong Nguyen for Rolling Stone. But what does this mean for The Great TechCrunch Flappy Bird Hunt? We don't know yet but it's not looking good for the idea of crowd-funded journalism.
Buttcracks: the Gathering. Sex Box. Bonus Sex Box. Meat Cloud. Tot Crawl. Do you know what a put pilot is? I mean none of us probably need to know that but I thought it was interesting. Microsoft's "not-so-secret weapon" crapped out on Titanfall launch day. Club Lame. Kissing is a hoax. Tweets Bad.
Make the time to read Molly Osberg's long but very good mini-memoir of the barista life in Brooklyn.
Today's Toy: DÄS̈ UMLA͓ÜTER metals everything
~The initial target of Tabs is Matt Buchanan. Or people like him.~
Today in Tabs comes to you today wrapped in a perfectly tailored, custom made, flawlessly white shirt by Anto of Beverly Hills which resembles in every respect the one worn by Matthew McConaughey's Detective Rust Cohle in the climactic scene of True Detective season one, save for not being on the climactic body of Matthew McConaughey. We are found as always on Newsweek.com and in your much-maligned but occasionally rewarding email inbox.