Competitive tickling. More specifically: Competitive Reality Endurance Tickling. Even more specifically: All-Male, Absolutely Non-Gay, Competitive Reality Endurance Tickling. Does this non-gay all-male activity sound like something only woman-loving heterosexuals would be involved in or organize? I'm sure it does. So you will not be in any way be surprised by this extensive investigation into the decisively hetero all-male competitive reality endurance tickling world, nor by this exclusive interview with a proud participant in the same, who, while not embarrassed in any way, prefers to remain anonymous for no special reason.
Check your "check your privilege" privilege is the dumb premise of this dumb New Republic article that attempts a dumb "counterintuitive" take on the already painfully dumb Tal Fortgang "I'm not privileged because my grandparents had it rough" essay. Sometimes things that seem dumb are not hiding a deeper lesson we could all take heed of. They're just dumb. Yeah I'm looking at you too, The Atlantic, don't be hiding in the back of the room like you don't know what I'm talking about.
Other things that seem dumb: Recent white people apologies. This dude at Techcrunch Disrupt (you'll know which dude I mean). Criticizing other people's twitter behaviors. Criticizing other people's twitter behaviors even when you are right and those behaviors are awful and come from heads that are shaped so exactly like an egg it's hard to believe they exist in our consensus reality.
— Lois Beckett (@loisbeckett) May 8, 2014
This might be the first appearance of ¯\_(ツ)_/¯¯ in a headline ever, but it surely won't be the last. We are entering a golden age of ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, which is already very nearly the only reaction I am capable of having to anything. I mean look:
—Gay New Yorkers Embrace Chick-Fil-A?
—This Deadspin post that is nothing but a screen cap of a Caitlin Kelley tweet on TV?
—Vox inviting us to "watch colonialism collapse" in a "mesmerizing" gif?
—This boner ad on the front page of a Florida newspaper?
I rest my case: the world is a total ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ storm.
If everything is fucked and you don’t know why / Bring your shoulders in tight, throw your palms up high / Do the Kanyeshrug
— John Holdun (@johnholdun) May 8, 2014
It was clear that the return of Monica Lewinsky was going to be a stupendous festival of tabs, and so it is proving to be. Vanity Fair put up her photo shoot yesterday, and I'm not really trying to be that guy but she looks great. But the Washington Post's Ruth Marcus noticed something that may have escaped many of you. Monica has... and I hope you're sitting down for this, but: Monica has breasts, which appear as perceptible swellings on her anterior surface when she is photographed using visible light. I mean WHOA! Right? "If I were Monica’s friend—or her mother—I would never have allowed it," writes Marcus, "it" here being the breast-having I think. Allie Jones had thoughts about this in The Wire. And Amanda Hess chronicled Maureen Dowd's long and shameful history of Lewinsky-bashing. There will be much more of this, I confidently predict, in due time.
From now on I will neither favorite nor retweet but instead will print out your tweets and mail them to strangers.
— Leah Reich (@ohheygreat) May 8, 2014
Anyone who wants to say that Buzzfeed is all fluff is really going to have to explain where Haley Mlotek's examination of the work of Donna Haraway in the age of "Leaning In" fits in that thesis. I have trouble even counting my conflicts of interest in linking this, but the hell with it because Ian Crouch's take on John Oliver's new show in The New Yorker is so good. Also amazing: yesterday's Ask Polly. Heather Havrilesky is some kind of freakish genius of empathy and we don't really deserve her.
Today's Tiny Hamster Video: Tiny Hamster Eating a Tiny Pizza
~Watching in slow motion as you turn around and say: You take my tabs away~
Today in Tabs cares deeply about things. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ is just a front. I mean, you know that right? You can see me caring on Newsweek.com or right in your email every weekday, more or less. Actually: never more, sometimes less. I just want to tell you: good luck. We're all counting on you.