Welcome To The Imperial City

Planning a trip this summer? Look no further than Vacationland U.S.A., New York City, the town where you can have experiences much more exotic than visiting the Statue of Liberty or the Met. If you visit the Times Square area, you should be aware of

Dart Man, a nut who has already stuck more than 50 women with darts that he delivers with a handcrafted blowgun, usually to the buttocks. But the darts aren't lethal. They are made of pins, and toxicology tests have come up negative. More threatening is Zodiac, Gotham's horoscope-addled serial gunman who shoots people whose astrological signs he knew ahead of time. Zodiac has already shot four people--one fatally--and, like Dart Man, he's still at large. Also at large area a lot of rats in Central Park--aggressive rodents whose teeth can exert 24,000 pounds of pressure. The rats multiplied wildly until an ecological ban on rat poison was rescinded. (Owls had been planted in the park to eat the rats, but some enterprising New Yorkers stole the owl houses.) Tired of all the bustle? Take a break and head for Long Island Sound, where you won't even need fishing poles in some areas because the fish are already dead. Environmentalists say parts of the sound are deeply polluted. Some parts, they say, are already as dead as the Dead Sea.

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