Are you nervous about doing TV?
Can I tell you what makes me concerned? Our son is in the third grade. I don't want to be the crazy showbiz family. When I walk into the PTA meetings with my sensible flat shoes and my sensible short wig, I do not look crazy.
A short wig? how many do you have?
About five in active rotation.
Do you go shopping yourself?
I hate it. I'm the catalog queen.
What if something doesn't fit?
Five percent Lycra makes anything fit.
You did a trial run last summer. What did you learn?
I needed a stiff couch, because when you get comfortable with conversation, you sit like this [she slouches]. For a woman, your boobs are meeting your knees and everything disappears. Sit up straight and everything sits up.
You do "hot topics." Doesn't that come from The View?
Yeah. They're the topics and they're hot. What else would I call them?
You also have a member of the audience introduce you, just like Rosie O'Donnell did.
Are you accusing me of being a thief? Rosie's not using it anymore. Stop being so observant!