Who Needs 'Jackass'? We've Got the Internet.


The stunt is called "The Propeller," and it's a high—and low—moment of Jackass 3D. A gang of male doofuses stand in a grassy field, as an airplane propeller revs up to full speed just a few feet away. By the force of the propeller wind, the guys tumble and fall, splattered in red tomatoes pitched at them like softballs. Is it over yet? Not until the artist known as Bam—to fans of the Jackass phenomenon, he's a certified star—decides the only logical thing to do in a windy field is to take a leak. Needless to say, the entire screen is drenched in urine, and so are your 3D glasses. "That's the story of Jackass right there," Johnny Knoxville proudly declares. "Pissing in the wind."

And all over its audience. During an endless 94 minutes, the cast of Jackass takes 3D to depths that would make James Cameron want to sink to the bottom of the Titanic. You, ticket buyer, should duck! Otherwise, you'll come uncomfortably close to piles of human excrement, fistfuls of body hair and a bucket of plastic penises. By the way, the audience at a screening Thursday night—mostly fist-bumping college dudes—hooted almost nonstop.

Jackass came of age with the birth of reality TV, in the year 2000, along with Survivor and Big Brother. It was sexist before Mad Men made sexism suave; homoerotic before the bromances on The OC, Gossip Girl and Glee. And, in its own way, it was groundbreaking: humiliation as entertainment, long before the days of YouTube.

But today, we don't need to pay $15 to see Knoxville climb a tree while a dog chews at his ass. There’s no reason to drive to a theatre to watch a bunch of dudes stuff an apple up another guy’s rear. If you want to see the equivalent of beehive tetherball or a poo cocktail supreme (that would be Steve O. bungee jumping in a port-a-potty) you don’t need to leave the house, or your computer. This movie stinks so bad, when it's all over, you'll want to shower--and not just because of all the excrement shot at you.