12 Suggestions For New Grammy Award Categories

2-7-17 Lady Gaga Grammys Bowie
The Grammy Awards performer lineup now includes Lady Gaga, Metallica, Kelsea Ballerini, Lukas Graham and Cynthia Erivo. Here, Lady Gaga performs a medley of songs as a tribute to the late David Bowie at last year's show. Mario Anzuoni/Reuters

Since the Gramophone Awards started in 1959, the Recording Academy has regularly updated its award categories to keep up with modern tastes. Disco briefly appeared as a category in 1980 and then was sent back to funky town. In 1989, they added best rap performance, only 10 or so years after the genre first gained widespread popularity. In 2006, they killed best polka album, angering accordion-heads across the nation.

Before this weekend's show, we wonder what new categories they might add to freshen up the proceedings. Here are a few suggestions:

1. Popular Artists Nominated Only So We Could Include Them in Audience Reaction Shots

2. Best Ironic Acoustic Cover of a Rap Song

3. Best Song to Dance to That Oh Whoa, Wait, We Didn't Realize the Lyrics Are About That Oh God

4. The Eric Clapton Award for Eric Clapton Achievement in the Field of Eric Clapton

5. Best Tweet by a Duo or Group

6. Best Song Ruined After Being Included in a Nationwide Ad Campaign for a Cellular Data Plan

7. Best Literal Sneeze by Bob Dylan

8. Blue Ribbon for Cleanest Beard on a Non-Sporting Alt-Folk Artist

9. Best Tracks by Record Companies Who We Owe a Favor to

10. Best Polka Album by Arcade Fire

11. Best New Artist Who Will Melt Down Their Award Statuette and Sell the Gold for Drug Money

12. Best EDM Thing or Mix, or Whatever the Hell a Single Unit of EDM Is Called and Who Cares

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