Applause as Woman Refuses To Clear Mom's Debt Due to Childhood 'Favoritism'

A woman has been backed online for refusing to financially help her mom who is on the brink of homelessness.

In a now-viral post, u/throwawayaita0100 said her mom does everything for her younger brother, 21—from cooking to cleaning and even giving him a place to stay for free. By contrast, the woman had to pay rent at 18 years old when she began working for her dad.

"Ever since then, the treatment from my mom got worse. She was always short with me, made passive-aggressive comments all the time to me and just clearly didn't want to see me succeed," she wrote.

Woman arguing with mother
A stock image of a woman arguing with her mom. A 25-year-old has been backed for refusing to help clear her mom's debt. iStock/Getty Images Plus/fizkes

At age 20, the woman moved in with her dad which "extremely offended" her mom. But now, five years on, the woman states she is "doing well" and runs her semi-retired dad's business.

Explaining her mom's financial situation, the Redditor said: "She's always lived cheque to cheque and can't save money. The past few months my mom [has] been contacting me more, last week she asked if we can have a serious conversation. She explained to me that she can see that I'm doing well for myself and she needs money. She [is in] a lot of debt and possibly could lose her house. She said she asked my dad for money, and he refused."

The original poster (OP) refused and told her mom it was because of the way she was treated while growing up and the lack of contact since moving out.

Now, other family members have been contacting the woman. She wrote: "They've been up my a** messaging and calling me saying it's the right thing to do and to have [some] compassion. Even my brother has been telling me how that's so cold that I refuse to help her because financially I'm in a good place."

She concludes the post by saying: "My mom could possibly lose her house, but I feel like that's not my responsibility and I'm being taken advantage of if I say yes."

Newsweek reached out to Lesley McGregor, a parenting expert for StellKey, an app that aims to "help families work together."

She said: "This looks like parentification—where the child is parenting the parent, but since the child is 25, it is simply a complex family situation.

"The mother definitely showed very poor parenting skills. The favoritism would have caused deep resentment among the targeted child and possibly set up a sibling rivalry dynamic extending into adulthood.

"The mother herself may have grown up disfavored as a girl and simply perpetuated the pattern. Alternatively, she could have resented the father and taken it out on their daughter.

"Whatever the reason, the mother is at fault and the daughter has no obligation to help. However, if the mother loses the house, the daughter will feel guilty."

McGregor suggested the daughter loan money to her mom to help with the house.

She said: "Although the loan may never be paid back, the daughter may feel that this is fairer and she wasn't taken advantage of. Additionally, the daughter could warn the mother that no other help will be available. This way, the mother keeps the house and knows that she cannot rely on the daughter forever."

So far, the post has 6,300 upvotes and the top comment has 13,500 upvotes since it was shared on February 1.

It said: "When your family texts, you say, 'You have given a lot to think about. Thank you for reaching out and giving my mom money. She'll be so happy to hear about your support.' When they freak out, say: 'Wait, you are not giving my mom money? Then why are you reaching out? It's a bit weird to tell someone to give money to family when you are not giving money to family. Regardless, there [is] no need to worry. I totally get no one is entitled to your money. Thank you for understanding."

Another popular comment received 3,800 upvotes, it said: "THIS! Also, your brother is perfectly capable of getting a job and contributing to the house that he's about to get kicked out of if your mom loses it. Time for both of them to stop mooching and start working."

"That's her choice. You didn't ask to be born and you didn't deserve to be her scapegoat. Don't give in, or you'll be supporting her for the rest of your life," advised another.

Newsweek reached out to u/throwawayaita0100 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.

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