Andy Borowitz

Humor: McCain Puts Campaign Bus on eBay

In what some political observers are calling an ominous sign for his cash-starved White House bid, Republican presidential hopeful Sen. John McCain today posted his campaign bus, the Straight Talk Express, on the Internet auction site eBay.

Humor: TB Guy Tops Bush in New Poll

In the latest erosion of George W. Bush's job-approval rating, a new poll released today reveals that the president is now less popular among the American people than the so-called "TB Guy," Atlanta attorney Andrew Speaker.

Humor: Hillary Tempts Gore With Sweets

In a move that raised eyebrows among observers of the 2008 campaign for the Democratic nomination for president, Sen. Hillary Clinton today sent former vice president Al Gore a gift basket laden with high-calorie treats.While the basket, chocked full of such sumptuous snacks as chocolate croissants and pecan buns, was ostensibly a gift to congratulate Gore on the publication of his new book, "The Assault on Reason," some members of the former vice president's staff saw more sinister motives in...

Humor: Bush Names Wolfowitz President of Al Qaeda

In a bold move to undermine the international terror network, President George W. Bush today named former deputy defense secretary and World Bank President Paul Wolfowitz to be the new president of Al Qaeda.Wolfowitz, who has no experience running an international terror organization, struck many Washington insiders as an unlikely choice for the Al Qaeda job.But in a White House ceremony introducing his nominee for the top terror post, President Bush indicated that Wolfowitz's role in planning...

Humor: GOP Courts Elusive White Males

In a nationally televised debate last night, the 10 candidates for the Republican presidential nomination engaged in a battle royal, with each candidate staking his claim to the title of the whitest white male in the GOP race.

Humor: White House Seeks Lying Czar

The White House in recent weeks has been quietly searching for candidates for the position of "lying czar," a high-level administrator who would oversee all distortions and misrepresentations about the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, a White House source confirmed today.News of the administration's search for a lying czar raised eyebrows in official Washington, where many insiders believe that the White House already has enough personnel to handle the creation and dissemination of war-related...

Borowitz: Send Rich Little To Iraq

As part of a bold new strategy to confuse the enemy, the Pentagon announced today that it was sending comedian/impressionist Rich Little to Iraq to entertain the insurgents.While the U.S. has sent many comedians to Iraq to entertain the troops since the conflict began four years ago, Mr.

Satire: Bush, the Senate and Pesky Judges

In a move that seems guaranteed to create more controversy for his embattled administration, President George W. Bush today fired the entire Senate Judiciary Committee.Critics were quick to question the timing of the president's decision, coming as it did just days before Attorney General Alberto Gonzales's scheduled appearance before the Senate panel on Thursday.But in a briefing with the White House press corps today, Bush insisted that the mass sacking of the Senate Judiciary Committee had...

Humor: Choose Your Own Hillary Positions

Crisscrossing the nation in her quest for the 2008 Democratic nomination, Sen. Hillary Clinton today unveiled new state-of-the-art software that will enable voters to customize her positions on a host of issues.

Humor: Iran Declares War on Sparta

In what foreign policy experts believe to be a direct response to the hit American movie "300," Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad today declared war on Sparta.

Humor: Gingrich Loses Longtime Supporter

In what many political observers consider a bruising blow to a potential 2008 White House bid by Newt Gingrich, the former Speaker of the House lost one of his longtime supporters today when Satan announced that he would not support a Gingrich candidacy.For the normally reclusive Prince of Darkness, the decision to hold a press conference at the Washington Airport Marriott to reveal that he would not be supporting Gingrich struck many as extraordinary.

Humor: Bush Creates Dept. of Faulty Intel

In response to what he called a "significant increase in the amount of misinformation about our enemies," President George W. Bush today announced that he was establishing a new Cabinet-level agency devoted solely to faulty intelligence.

Who Isn't Running For President?

For the first time in American history, the number of Americans running for president in 2008 will actually be greater than the number of Americans voting for president, electoral experts said today.With politicians throwing their hats in the ring at a torrid pace, by November 2008, one out of every two Americans is expected to be running for the nation's highest office—an extraordinary figure by any measure.While the negative tone of recent election campaigns has turned off voters in record...

Evil or Just Plain Crazy?

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, riding high after being re-elected to a six-year term in office, set his sights on an even higher goal today, as he demanded membership in the Axis of Evil.Chavez, who made headlines at the United Nations last year by comparing President George W.

'I Resolve…'

In an unprecedented televised address to the nation last night, President George W. Bush announced a list of his New Year's resolutions for 2007, telling the American people, "I am a big believer in abiding by resolutions, as long as they don't come from the United Nations."The following is a list of the president's New Year's resolutions:"I resolve to pay close attention to the recommendations of the Iraq Study Group's report, as soon as it comes out on a books-on-tape version."I resolve to...

Lou Dobbs Issues Warning to Santa

CNN anchor Lou Dobbs devoted his entire news broadcast last night to a searing exposé of Santa Claus, in which he warned the legendary fat man not to cross the United States' border with Canada on Christmas Eve.Dobbs has made "America's broken borders" one of his signature crusades in recent years.

No Timetable

In a press conference at the White House today, President George W. Bush flatly refused to set a timetable for reading the Iraq Study Group's report, telling reporters that doing so "would send the wrong message to our enemies."When the group issued its report last week, many in Washington assumed that the president would move the book to the top of his reading list, but today's press conference left little doubt that Bush has no intention of being pressured into finishing the 160-page...

Hot Air

Amid increasing signs that Senator Hillary Clinton is preparing to make a bid for the 2008 Democratic presidential nomination, former vice president Al Gore released a new film today in which he warns that Clinton's candidacy could destroy the planet.Gore, the Democratic standard bearer in 2000, makes the controversial charge in a sequel to his film "An Inconvenient Truth," entitled "A Really, Really Inconvenient Truth."In the film, the former vice president says that Clinton's campaign war...