The Best Recurring 'Broad City' Jokes

broad-city-s3_ilana-abbi_credit-patrik-giardino
Ilana Glazer and Abbi Jacobson of Comedy Central's "Broad City." Patrik Giardino

America's highest comedy duo, Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer, are back for another season of hijinks, pranks and enlightenment with the premiere of Broad City's third season Wednesday night on Comedy Central. To prepare, we rewatched the past two seasons of Broad City, and we started noticing some patterns. Ahead of the first new episode, we've made a non-exhaustive list of our favorite gags and clandestine running jokes, which may or may not appear this season. Yas queen!

"Val"

During the cold open of season 2's first episode, an older lady on the subway gestures toward Abbi excitedly and shrieks, "Val!" Abbi scoffs, and we assume that it's just a weird stranger. In the episode "Hashtag FOMO" later in the season, however, we discover that when Abbi gets blackout drunk, Val is the name of her alter ego: a swaggery cabaret singer who charms a doting crowd at a Lower East Side speakeasy. (And is that Garol, of North Brother Island, we spy in the crowd?)

Ilana's Personal Email Address

Morgan, Abbi's friend from college, emails Ilana every day for two months to ensure they can take her mom's car to Connecticut in the season 1 episode "Destination Wedding." But Ilana didn't receive any emails. Why? Morgan sent them to ilanawexler@vagina.com instead of ilanawexler@mindmyvagina.com. Turns out Ilana never gets emails from work either because of her unusual email address. In another first season episode, "Fattest Asses," Ilana's boss, Todd, calls her in one day and says she has to use her company email. "To remind every client immediately of a vagina" is inappropriate, he says. To which Ilana replies: "And a mind, dude." Touché.

Missing Soulstice Instructors

For some reason, instructors at the gym where Abbi works as a cleaner are never on vacation or take time off, but instead have been "missing for the past 48 hours." Bad news for them, probably, but their disappearances often give Abbi the opportunity to live out her dream of subbing as a trainer. It's mentioned in the episode "Fattest Asses," when Abbi defers the opportunity to teach a class to someone else and later regrets it. It happens again in the season 2 episode "Kirk Steele," when Abbi subs in for Regina, who—you guessed it—has been missing for 48 hours. Even in the series opener, "What a Wonderful World," Abbi wistfully says, "Any day now, a trainer's going to be absent, and guess who they're gonna invite to instruct a class?" To which Ilana replies, "I would love for that to happen, but it's just not. They don't respect you." Actually, that seems kind of sinister now that we think about it.

Jawbreakers

In season 1's "Pu$$y Weed" episode, Ilana breaks her tooth on a jawbreaker from Economy Candy after she brags to Abbi that she knows how to get to the center of one. She ends up having to go to Lincoln, her dentist and hookup buddy. In the next episode, "Working Girls," Lincoln is hanging out with her and Abbi when he says, "I gotta head back to the office, one of these dumb kids broke his jaw on a jawbreaker. Why would you do even do that?"

"How To" With Dr. Wiz

A nondescript recurring character in Broad City is Dr. Wiz, the man behind a series of "how-to" instructional videos that the characters periodically consult. He appears briefly in season 2's "Wisdom Teeth" episode, when Lincoln is researching how to meditate properly before a Skype call from Ilana interrupts him. Wiz's next appearance that season comes during "The Matrix" episode, when he instructs Lincoln how to tie a Windsor knot in time for a Prospect Park dog wedding.

Abbi's Past Life as a Mushroom Chocolate Dealer

Before she was cleaning pubes for a living and struggling to make art full-time, we learn through snippets that Abbi used to deal drugs on the sly. What kind? Mushroom chocolates, of course. When she's brainstorming ways to make money in season 2's "Kirk Steele" episode, she thinks aloud, "Sell mushroom chocolates? No, can't get back in the game. Just got my record expunged." Is that why Abbi stole a van once? Who knows?

Labeling Something on All Sides

What's the best way to ensure something isn't eaten? Best label it on all sides. This joke first comes up in Broad City's pilot "What a Wonderful World" when Abbi calls out Bevers, her roommate Melody's live-in boyfriend, for eating all of her cheese (again). He claims he didn't know it was hers, because it wasn't labeled on "all six sides of the cheese brick." This happens again when Ilana eats "30 or 100" chocolates out of a "guess how many" jar at the temp agency she's working at during the "Working Girls" episode later in the season. When Ilana gets called out by her employer Linda Lodi (Rachel Dratch), Ilana's natural response is: "You should have labeled it on every side!"

The Great Sushi at Penn Station

In the season 1 episode "Working Girls," Linda Lodi's entire staff at the temp agency gets food poisoning after she takes them to the sushi restaurant beneath Penn Station. Thus, she calls on Ilana to manage the joint while she's out (rookie mistake). It may be "scraping the bottom of the barrel," but, hey, Ilana loves that place too. It's enough to merit several mentions throughout the series. This unicorn sushi spot doesn't seem to exist IRL though, which is fortuitous. You shouldn't be at Penn Station unless you absolutely must.

Lincoln Joking That He'll Remove All of Your Teeth

Tooth-related wisecracks aren't lost on Lincoln. In the episode "Pu$$y Weed," Lincoln tells a small child straight-faced that he's going to have to remove all of his teeth while he's strapped in and ready for a procedure. He freaks out, to which Lincoln lets out a hearty chuckle. When Lincoln takes out Abbi's wisdom teeth in season 2, he tells her when she wakes up that he had to take all of her teeth out during the procedure. "Don't worry," he says. "There's a huge Internet community of dudes that like women that are super gum-heavy. It's a huge fetish!" Thankfully, he was kidding.

Abbi's Oprah Obsession

In addition to Abbi having a series of photos of Oprah above her bed, we find out during season 1's "Hurricane Wanda" episode that she has an Oprah tramp-stamp tattoo. During a time of crisis, she gestures toward her tat and says, "This is an a-ha moment!" We see it again when she dances nude to Lady Gaga's "Edge of Glory" after Bevers finally leaves the apartment during season 2's "Mochalatta Chills" episode." That's devotion.

Pubes at Soulstice

For some reason, Abbi is always asked to take care of a "pube situation" at the Soulstice locker rooms, a gag that starts in the very first episode of Broad City. She's become so renowned for taking care of this business that Trey, her boss, dubs it "Abbi magic" and asks her to do it off-hours sometimes, as he does in the "Fattest Asses" episode. The real mystery of the series: Why are there so many pubes in the Soulstice locker room?

Honorable mention: Yas Queen

This phrase was arguably already in our cultural lexicon before Broad City. But the show made the saying a full-on meme and a household staple, thanks to Ilana saying it in almost every episode. She even imparts it upon her protégé, the young Oliver, who screams "Yas queen!" in the memorable "Kirk Steele" episode.

The Best Recurring 'Broad City' Jokes | Culture