Beyond Black Friday

Instead of scouring the web for 20 percent off coupons for a two-year-old television or a mediocre pair of headphones, I threw together a holiday shopping guide for things I actually own. Life-changing things.
Clean it up
Beyond Black Friday Molekule for Newsweek

Black Friday has come and gone, if you didn't know because you've been hiding in whatever room Donald Trump hides in to escape the FAKE NEWS, which means anyone with an internet connection has been bombarded with deals and coupons and flyers in a melee of frantic advertising that we all know isn't likely to abate until 2019.

Here's the thing about the strange holiday that is Black Friday (and Cyber Monday, and by next year we'll surely have Torpid Tuesday and Wham Wednesday): the deals are usually not that great, and the stuff is usually not really what you actually want. If you wanted it, badly enough anyway, you'd buy it when it came out, like so many lemmings who pre-order and wait in line for the hottest new iPhone. So instead of scouring the web for 20 percent off coupons for a two-year-old television or a mediocre pair of headphones, I threw together a holiday shopping guide for things I actually own, from body scanners to luxury linens to air cleansers to skillets to vaporizers. Life-changing things. Things worth half a mortgage payment. And most of them are still on sale.

Bye Bye Beats
Psst: there are better earbuds than those made by companies that begin with the letters A(pple) and B(eats/ose). There are plenty of options out there with great sound quality, thumping bass, mids, lows, highs and the rest, but I use earphones in two environments: while working out, and while motorcycling. And there’s only one brand of earphone that actually stays in my bloody ears while I’m either sweating to the oldies or wrenching a helmet onto my dome: Shure. For the uninitiated, grab the SE215s for as little as $89 and you’ll be perfectly happy. When you’re ready to ball a little harder, step up to the SE425, for as little as $23 9. The farthest I’ve climbed up the Shure ladder is the SE846, which features four high-definition drivers for extended high-end clarity and a low-pass filter that packs subwoofer-quality bass into your ears. They normally go for $999 but can be had for $100 off at the moment, thanks to a holiday rebate. If you’ve got the ends, they’re worth it. www.shure.com Shure for Newsweek