Bill Maher Rips William Barr's 'My Baby' Comment on Mueller Report, Says Hillary Clinton Stole His Joke About China

Bill Maher ripped into Capitol Hill's biggest names Friday night during the opening monologue of his HBO show Real Time with Bill Maher, targeting Attorney General William Barr's fatherly affection for the Mueller report, President Donald Trump's phone chat with Russia's Vladimir Putin, and Hillary Clinton for alleged joke theft.

"It's very exciting when you have a constitutional crisis," said Maher to open the show. "We are so f**ked."

He said that if the current situation in America were a summer blockbuster, "it would be called Democracy: Endgame."

Maher pointed to the revelation this week that Special Counsel Robert Mueller had called Barr in March to express concern about the attorney general's four-page summary Mueller's 448-page report.

"This week we found out that Robert Mueller wrote more than one letter to the Attorney General—wink wink—asking 'Why did you mischaracterize what I wrote?'" said Maher. "And Barr responded, 'Well, the report was my baby.' My baby? I thought Republicans were against killing babies?"

Maher also brought up Barr's two scheduled appearances before congressional panels in the last week—one that he showed up for, and one that he did not.

Regarding Wedneday's Senate committee hearing, where lawmakers grilled the attorney general on the Mueller letter, Maher suggested that Democrats ultimately don't have much to be proud about.

"I think they're missing the big picture," said Maher. "Trump is still president and the big gotcha was they got Barr to commit perjury, which apparently is some old-timey law about lying being wrong. Nancy Pelosi said, 'That's a crime! And I'm going to report it to… oh yeah…'"

"This is the problem," he continued, "When the guy who is supposed to be enforcing the law is the guy who is breaking the law."

As for Thursday's planned testimony before the House Judiciary Committee—the one where Barr opted not to show up, Maher pointed out that "legal experts are now saying that, ya know, this is a constitutional crisis, the likes of which we have not seen in three or four days."

If Democrats hope to hold the Trump administration accountable for abiding by the rules, Maher said they don't understand how to deal with Donald Trump.

"You're playing monopoly with a hyena. When it bites you and sh*ts on the board, saying 'It's not your turn!" doesn't really work," said Maher.

He then moved on to Trump's Friday phone discussion with Putin.

"Usually they just sext each other," said Maher, "but today they actually got on the phone for an hour— You know, the famous RED PHONE, the hotline to Moscow? Well now it's a pink princess phone."

Finally, Maher pounced on Hillary Clinton for what he saw as blatant joke theft. Earlier this week, the former Democratic presidential nominee appeared on Rachel Maddow's MSNBC show, where she presented a hypothetical.

"Imagine, Rachel, that you had one of the Democratic nominees for 2020 on your show, and that person said, you know, the only other adversary of ours who is anywhere near as good as the Russians is China," Clinton asked. "So why should Russia have all the fun? And since Russia is clearly backing Republicans, why don't we ask China to back us?"

She concluded the remark by jokingly asking — in words meant to mimic Trump's 2016 comment to Russia regarding Hillary's emails—"China, if you're listening, why don't you get Trump's tax returns?"

But Friday night, Maher ran a clip from an August 2018 episode of his show where he made virtually the same joke: "China, if you're listening, I hope you can find Donald Trump's tax returns."

The comedian closed his remarks with an admonition for Clinton: "Hillary, if you wanted material, you should have asked me before the election!"