Bride Cheered for Refusing To Have Twin As Bridesmaid: 'Never Apologized'
A bride-to-be has been backed for refusing to have her twin sister as a bridesmaid at her wedding.
The 25-year-old shared her story on Reddit's popular r/AmITheA****** forum on January 18, under username u/AdAgitated1763, where it has since received more than 10,000 upvotes.
In the post, she explained: "We were very close growing up until high school. She was an outgoing bubbly cheerleader and I was a shy nerdy bookworm, so she ditched me for the popular kids."
The poster said that while her sister didn't actively pick on her, she would "stand by with her head down and do nothing" when others did bully her.
"She would talk to and hang out with me at home as if nothing was wrong but when at school or at the mall where kids at our school we're likely to be seen she didn't want to be seen with me," wrote the Redditor.
Recalling their 16th birthday when her sister organized a big party, she said that her parents forced her to include her twin. "Our parents were making her include me but she discreetly offered me $100 to pretend I was sick, I took the money because I really didn't want to go to a party where I'd at best be ignored or worse picked on," she wrote.
After school, the sisters went to different colleges across the country from each other. "She tried to keep in touch but I ignored her because I was very traumatized at losing my sister/best friend. I would be polite to her at home during school breaks but kept her at arms length," said the poster.
"I don't want her to be a bridesmaid," she said. "I reluctantly said she could be a guest at the wedding but not a bridesmaid—if it were entirely up to me I wouldn't invite her at all, but that would cause more drama in my family than it's worth."
Florence Ann Romano, a personal growth strategist and author of Build Your Village: A Guide to Finding Joy and Community in Every Stage of Life, told Newsweek: "There is no 'normal' when it comes to the dynamics of family. Unfortunately, in any relationship, there can be fall-out; hurt feelings; resentment; anger; and even permanent damage. Sometimes there is just too much water under the bridge and repairing a broken relationship isn't possible. Both parties have to want it."
"She never apologized," said the bride. "She just thinks because it was so long ago I should let bygones be bygones because she was young and immature, and my parents agree with her."
But the poster was not ready to forget what happened when they were children, explaining that she had been in years of therapy as a result of what happened when they were kids.
"Why should I have someone as a bridesmaid who thinks they're better than me?" she said.
In thousands of replies on the now viral Reddit post, users rushed to side with the sister—praising her for refusing to allow her twin to be a bridesmaid.
"NTA [not the a******]," said one reply. "She's lucky you don't offer her $100 to pretend she's sick on your wedding day."
"It's your wedding so you decide what you want," said another commenter. "Also your parents and sister need to realize actions have consequences and honestly your parents should have fixed her behavior in high school."
Romano explained: "This isn't a matter of what is right or wrong. Not all siblings are close. Weddings tend to be very emotional times, and also moments where there are a lot of sentences that start with, 'well, the right thing to do is...' In this case, and in all cases, the bride is allowed to do whatever she wants! However, the foil to that—and what makes this challenging—is how it affects the parents' feelings/other twin's feelings and how it 'looks' to the public. When you're using those two points as the vetting process, that's when something is potentially deemed right or wrong."
Newsweek has reached out to poster u/AdAgitated1763 for comment. We were not able to verify the details of this case.
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