Bride Explains in TikTok Why She Sent a Letter to Bridesmaids Explaining Costs and Expectations

Weddings can be expensive for everyone involved, including the bridal party. Many bridesmaids eagerly accept the coveted position, completely unaware of the various costs that come with the commitment.

Having been a bridesmaid before, one bride explained in a now-viral TikTok that she sent a "transparency letter" to her potential bridesmaids upfront to explain all the costs and expectations associated with the role. The post has more than 3 million views and has received mixed reactions.

The bride's TikTok was in response to another TikToker, who, in her video, said: "When you agree to be a bridesmaid without realizing it'll cost three whole paychecks and every second of your PTO for the year."

"I'm so glad somebody pointed this out," said the bride, Lisa, as she went on to explain the details of her transparency letter. "I felt very insecure doing this but I'm ultimately glad that I did."

She explains in the video that she enclosed the typed letter in an envelope and gave it to her potential bridesmaids as part of their bridesmaid proposal box. In the letter, she said she outlined time commitments.

"I told them that if they lived over an hour away, they didn't have to worry about making it to the bridal shower or to go wedding dress shopping with me," she said.

Lisa also outlined the financial commitments involved.

"I explained that I would pay for their hair and makeup, but they would be responsible for the cost of the bridesmaid dress," she said.

She went on to explain that though she was going to choose a specific dress color, each bridesmaid had the "freedom" to choose the style of their dress.

"But most importantly," Lisa said, "I told them that they could say no to being a bridesmaid, that we would still be friends and they can keep all the gifts within the bridesmaid proposal box."

According to Lisa, one woman turned her down, but they still remain friends. And according to the post's caption, the other bridesmaids had no qualms with the transparency letter.


#stitch with @stephanieberman7 I was scared to have a #transparency letter in the #bridesmaidproposalbox but it WORKED OUT. #wedding #weddingtiktok

♬ original sound - Lisa 💙

While the transparency letter worked for her and her bridal party, commenters had mixed feelings. Some loved the idea.

"That's a mature way of handling it," said one user.

The bride replied, saying: "And that's how they interpreted it, too! I was so scared that it would seem like a bridezilla move."

"Girl, this is GENIUS," commented another.

"Wow this is beautiful," said another commenter. "As someone who would get anxious about saying no, I would appreciate this."

Some, however, were hung up on the fact that the bride wouldn't cover all the costs for her bridal party.

"People are going to come for me but I just find it weird that you ask a person to be in YOUR wedding but expect them to pay for anything," said one.

"If you can't pay 100% for hair, makeup, and dresses, I feel like you shouldn't have a bridal party," said another. "You're getting married, it is not their responsibility."

Whether the internet approves or not, the letter ultimately worked for Lisa's bridal party and could be beneficial to other brides who don't want to shock or overwhelm their bridesmaids.

Bride writes 'transparency letter' to bridesmaids
In a viral TikTok video, one bride explained why she sent her bridesmaids a "transparency letter." Internet reactions to the letter were mixed. Bogdan Kurylo/iStock