Bride's Reason for Refusing To Have 'Miracle' Niece As Flower Girl Praised

A woman has asked Reddit if she is in the wrong for choosing her stepdaughter over her niece to be the flower girl at her wedding.

In a post on the Am I the A****** forum, user miraclebabyniece, 27, said that her older brother and her sister-in-law, both in their 30s, had a baby a year and a half ago "after many failed attempts" and being told that they wouldn't be able to conceive.

The bride-to-be explained that "the baby has been the center of attention at EVERY family [event] we've had since she was born." Although she loves her niece, she said "it can get to be a little too much when my [sister-in-law] goes on and on about how long they tried to conceive, complications they've had, miscarriages they've had, etc."

On hearing that the bride had chosen her fiancé's six-year-old daughter to be the flower girl, the sister-in-law started "going off about how my lack of effort to incorporate my niece is disgusting to her. I should 'honor her' in some way since I know how long and hard they tried for my niece."

Flower Girl
A stock image of a flower girl at a wedding. A bride-to-be has been supported on Reddit for choosing her step-daughter over her niece as a flower girl. Getty Images/ipekata

The Step Family Foundation, a nonprofit that supports blended families, reports that over 50 percent of U.S. families are remarried or re-coupled, and 1,300 new stepfamilies are formed every day.

The user said that she snapped at her sister-in-law who then started crying "and said that clearly I don't love my one and only niece and I'm 'letting her down'." She concluded that her brother is also angry with her and that they are "running around telling the rest of the family I don't love my niece."

"I'm firm in my decision though, and my fiancé is thankful that I didn't let his daughter down. AITA for not allowing my niece to be the flower girl?" she asked.

Newsweek spoke to Cameron Caswell, a psychologist and family success coach, about the issue.

"The seemingly obvious answer is: 'It's your wedding, do what you want.' However, if it were that straightforward, it wouldn't be stressing out the bride-to-be so much. The problem is, even if everyone sides with the bride, it won't change the fact that her decision is likely to spark even more family drama," Caswell observed.

She suggested: "Instead, I would encourage the bride to find a solution that makes her happy and appeases the sister-in-law. She could ask her, what is the one thing she needs the most. Perhaps she's spent years painfully watching other people's adorable children walk down the aisle and she doesn't want to miss her chance?"

The expert added: "Once this is established, the bride should do the same, and from what I understand, that is to make sure her stepdaughter feels like she's an important part of the ceremony (which is essential). Once everyone is clear on what's most important, they work together to find a solution that gets both needs met. Perhaps the stepdaughter can pull the toddler in a wagon? Or maybe a bridesmaid can carry the toddler down the aisle. At the end of the day, however, it is the bride's wedding and she can do whatever she wants."

Users on Reddit voted that the bride-to-be is 'not the a******'.

User starboundowl said, "Pretty sure sister just wanted to walk down the aisle and get attention for herself. I don't think this is about the niece at all. I think sister is jealous that no one will be paying attention to her that day. I wonder if she was like this before she got pregnant."

Veteris71 advised, "Repeat after me, OP: 'I'm not going to discuss this with you, sister-in-law (or brother, or any other family member who harasses you). Our decision is final'."

Newsweek has reached out to miraclebabyniece via Reddit.

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