...
By Rachael O'Connor
Reporter
0
Share
Newsweek is a Trust Project member
See more of our trusted coverage when you search.Prefer Newsweek on Googleto see more of our trusted coverage when you search.
A woman preparing for her wedding has sparked an online debate after complaining her bridesmaid didn't want to wear the dress because she feared it made her look "fat."
As Reddit users raged in the comments, an etiquette expert told Newsweek that the only solution may be for the bridesmaid to "opt out, or be asked to leave, the wedding party."
The bride, who did not give her name but said she was 26, said she had always had an interest in the Regency era in British history and wanted to incorporate it into her wedding.
Read More on Beauty and Fashion
The Regency refers to the short period between 1811 and 1820, when the Prince of Wales, George IV, governed the United Kingdom. Culturally, the era extends from the late 1700s to the mid-1800s, according to the BBC.
Period dramas set in the era are hugely popular, such as Netflix's Bridgerton and Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility.
Writing on the r/AmITheA*****e subreddit, user u/Infamouszealous said she wanted all her bridesmaids to wear empire waist dresses, a style made popular in the era. It has a fitted bodice ending below the bust, giving a high-waisted appearance.
But she hit a problem when one of her bridesmaids, who is 27, said it looked "unflattering" on her body shape.
aita for making my bridesmaid wear a dress that
r/AmItheAsshole
EtiquetteExpert.org founder Jo Hayes said the situation is "unfortunate" but sadly "not that uncommon." Most people would be able to "empathize with both women in this situation," she added.
It is "the bride's day," Hayes said, and she is entitled to want a Regency-era theme. "Most women also know what style of dress flatters their figure and the styles that don't."
The bride described her friend as having "broad shoulders, a large chest, large arms, a small waist and thin legs" and said the empire dress makes her waist appear "much larger than it actually is."
Her bridesmaid said that she felt like she looked fat and that the dress triggered "past body dysmorphia and insecurities." She wanted to modify the dress, which the bride said in a comment she was initially open to, but then learned she wanted to modify it so it was skintight.
The bride refused to allow her to completely change the dress and was accused of being selfish, while the bride accused the bridesmaid of being "extremely entitled. It's my wedding and I shouldn't have to cater to her insecurities."
The "key" to the conflict was compromise, Hayes said, but in this case that did not sound like a "feasible solution."
She also said the bridesmaid should remember "it is the bride's day, not hers."
"While the situation has, unfortunately, triggered some upsetting memories from her past, she should be open to reaching a compromise or negotiation that the bride is equally happy with," Hayes said. And if this can't be reached, the bridesmaid may have to leave the wedding party, she added.
"The question for the bridesmaid will be this: Where does her peace lie? Does she have more peace about not being in the wedding party or more peace about wearing a dress she isn't completely comfortable wearing?" Hayes asked.
"Whatever situation has the most peace is the way forward. Similarly for the bride: Where does her peace lie? In having all her bridesmaids in a certain type of dress? Or having her friend in her bridal party?" Hayes said.
The bride said in a comment that she would be paying for the bridesmaids' dresses as well as any modifications.
Despite this, Reddit users were torn, with one joking that they were "on the fence" because bridesmaids wearing dresses they find "ugly and un-flattering is a time-honored tradition."
...
Another slammed the bride, saying: "It's one thing to pick a dress that's not everyone's favorite color. It's another to pick a cut or material that makes a bridesmaid feel self conscious or uncomfortable. I don't get how you could care about someone enough to ask them to be a bridesmaid, but not care about their comfort."
Another agreed: "I couldn't imagine doing this to my worst enemy, never mind one of my best friends. I will never understand this obsession."
And one user said they "really appreciate the brides who choose the comfort of their bridesmaids over an aesthetic."
Another wrote: "As the bride, it is absolutely your right to choose the bridesmaid dresses. But, enforcing your aesthetic over the comfort of someone who is supposed to be your friend isn't kind."
Has a wedding come between your relationship with a loved one? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured in Newsweek.
View 0 Comments
Submit Correction
View Editorial & AI Guidelines