Woman Pushing Husband to Talk About Her 'Parenthood' Hopes Blasted Online

For those who are sure they want children, the subject often comes up in the early stage of a relationship, so both parties know they're on the same page and don't waste each other's time. For one married user on Reddit, this conversation has reared its ugly head.

User puppy_aita detailed his "ridiculous" situation in a post on the site's AITA (Am I The A**hole) subreddit. He described himself as a 27-year-old male who "never wanted children," which his 26-year-old wife, Liz, knows.

"I'm in the camp of if it's not a resounding 'I want this with my entire heart and soul' yes, then it's a no," he wrote. "I think kids are cool and wonderful and major sources of joy in life. Do I want to be responsible for raising one? Nope."

While living with his best friend over a period of nearly a decade prior to being engaged to Liz, they both adopted dogs, calling each other "co-parents," meeting up "multiple times a week because of this." Recently, his wife brought up children.

Marriage Issues
This stock image shows a feuding couple facing away from each other in bed. A man has asked for advice after on Reddit after his wife brought up having kids and knew he doesn't want them. Getty Images

"Like I said, she's aware of the fact that I don't want them. Her sister recently gave birth to our niece and while looking at the photos Liz said, 'wouldn't it be nice if we had a baby?' or something along those lines.

"I responded with, 'I'm already the co-parent of two babies and I don't have room for any more.' She got angry at me and said I wasn't taking her or the concept of parenthood seriously. I told her I had no reason to take this conversation or the concept of OUR parenthood seriously because we are never having kids."

Deal Breaker

As far as relationship dealbreakers go, this is a common one. Although it can seem like a scarily forward question on a first date, many would agree that asking this question early avoids potential down the lines, and inevitable disappointment and heartbreak.

Researchers have been concerned with the effect of having children on relationships for decades, and the resounding result? Having children may negatively affect relationships.

children
This stock image shows a smiling baby in a crib. A Redditor who said he made it clear he never wants kids is asking "AITA?" after his wife brought up having a baby. Getty Images

One study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in 2009 looked at marriages of people with and without children over an eight-year period. In couples with children, parents showed a sudden decline in happiness in their marriage following having a child, and in couples without children any deterioration in their marriages was a lot more gradual, suggesting the important variable was having children.

Stress, financial worries, behavioral difficulties with the children and general limitations all take their toll on a relationship. This could be part of why despite modest increases in the United States birth rate in 2022, it's still below the necessary numbers decided by the U.S. Center for Disease Control and Prevention needed for the population to reproduce itself.

Not Unreasonable

Users were conflicted in the comments, with sympathy on both sides. "I would be so mad and hurt if I was trying to have a serious conversation and my partner blew me off" said one Redditor, while another disagreed, "Eh. I think in his mind, that's a topic so not going to change that he probably didn't take it seriously. Like if someone went 'hey how would you feel about moving to Russia?' I would probably snort and make a joke about how I don't like vodka very much."

One person commented on the frustration women who don't want children feel when they're not believed: "You'd be surprised how many people don't believe you when you say you don't want kids and assume you'll change your mind."

Another Redditor user sympathized with the wife saying, "Number 2 is slowly happening to me. Never wanted children. Never really even liked children. Turned 30 and now I'm like well not ALL babies are terrible. Maybe I even want one. Dear god what the hell is happening to me?"