Despot Index: Allies in Oppression and Corruption

More than 400 million people live under the iron fist of these nasty tyrants. As Muammar Gaddafi and Bashar al-Assad fire on their own people, check out their allies in oppression and corruption.

COUNTRY
Libya
AGE (YEARS IN POWER)
68 years old (41)
NICKNAME
King of Kings
VICE
Ukrainian nurses
TRADEMARK
Dressing like a doorman
WORST CRIME
Engineered Lockerbie bombing killing 270 people
ILL-GOTTEN GAINS
144 tons of gold
LEGIT PAL
Silvio Berlusconi
WIFE
Safia, former nurse
FUTURE PROSPECTS
Not so promising
INTELLECTUAL PURSUIT
Authored The Green Book
PECCADILLO
All-virgin women bodyguards

COUNTRY
North Korea
AGE (YEARS IN POWER)
70 years old (16)
NICKNAME
Central Brain
VICE
Cognac
TRADEMARK
Matching pajamas
WORST CRIME
Famine claimed 1 million lives
ILL-GOTTEN GAINS
$4 billion; luxury appetite eats up 20 percent of nation's budget
LEGIT PAL
Hu Jintao
WIFE
Kim Young Sook; also has mistresses
FUTURE PROSPECTS
Son ready to rule
INTELLECTUAL PURSUIT
Authored On the Art of the Cinema
PECCADILLO
"Joy brigades" with high-school girls

COUNTRY
Belarus
AGE (YEARS IN POWER)
56 years old (16)
NICKNAME
Father of the Nation
VICE
Roller-skating
TRADEMARK
Stalin 'stache
WORST CRIME
Widespread human-rights abuses
ILL-GOTTEN GAINS
$9 billion personal fortune, according to WikiLeaks
LEGIT PAL
Pope Benedict XVI
WIFE
Galina Rodionovna Lukashenko
FUTURE PROSPECT
Back on the ballot
INTELLECTUAL PURSUIT
Agricultural expert
PECCADILLO
Enjoys songs about himself

COUNTRY
Zimbabwe
AGE (YEARS IN POWER)
87 years old (23)
NICKNAME
Bob
VICE
Has his own supermarket
TRADEMARK
Hitler 'stache
WORST CRIME
Massacre of thousands of civilians in 1980s
ILL-GOTTEN GAINS
With allies, OWNns nearly half of country's land
LEGIT PAL
Malaysian P.M.
WIFE
"Gucci" Grace, a.k.a. "the First Shopper"
FUTURE PROSPECTS
Mostly secure
INTELLECTUAL PURSUIT
Chancellor of Zimbabwe U.
PECCADILLO
Suspiciously homophobic

COUNTRY
Syria
AGE (YEARS IN POWER)
40 years old (10)
NICKNAME
The Lion
VICE
Coziness with Hizbullah
TRADEMARK
Flattop
WORST CRIME
Brutal suppression of recent protests
ILL-GOTTEN GAINS
Father Hafez was worth $2 billion
LEGIT PAL
Lula da Silva
WIFE
Asma, recently in Vogue
FUTURE PROSPECTS
Shaky
INTELLECTUAL PURSUIT
Trained ophthalmologist
PECCADILLO
Nepotism

COUNTRY
Burma
AGE (YEARS IN POWER)
78 years old (19)
NICKNAME
The Bulldog
VICE
Chummy with opium lords
TRADEMARK
Wearing women's clothing
WORST CRIME
1 million people dislocated by ruling junta
ILL-GOTTEN GAINS
Skimming off oil and gas profits
LEGIT PAL
Indian P.M.
WIFE
Kyaing Kyaing, who believes in magic
FUTURE PROSPECTS
Hanging on
INTELLECTUAL PURSUIT
Astrology fanatic
PECCADILLO
Believes he might be Buddha

COUNTRY
Sudan
AGE (YEARS IN POWER)
67 years old (21)
NICKNAME
Field Marshal
VICE
Polygamy
TRADEMARK
Cane
WORST CRIME
Hundreds of thousands killed in Darfur
ILL-GOTTEN GAINS
$9 billion hidden in foreign bank accounts
LEGIT PAL
Turkish P.M.
WIFE
Fatima Khalid, Widad Babiker
FUTURE PROSPECTS
Out in 2015
INTELLECTUAL PURSUIT
Trained paratrooper
PECCADILLO
Banned wedding celebrations

COUNTRY
Turkmenistan
AGE (YEARS IN POWER)
53 years old (4)
NICKNAME
Turkmenbashi
VICE
Workaholic
TRADEMARK
Peter Gallagher eyebrows
WORST CRIME
Dubious imprisonment of Pentecostal pastor in 2010
ILL-GOTTEN GAINS
Recently got two-seat airplane two-seat airplane from Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
LEGIT PAL
Prince Andrew
WIFE
Wife in London, mistress in Russia
FUTURE PROSPECTS
Very good
INTELLECTUAL PURSUIT
Trained dentist
PECCADILLO
Hosts annual horse beauty contest

COUNTRY
Uzbekistan
AGE (YEARS IN POWER)
73 years old (21)
NICKNAME
Big Papa
VICE
Heckling foreign heads of state
TRADEMARK
Comb-over
WORST CRIME
Soldiers killed hundreds in 2005's Andijan massacre
ILL-GOTTEN GAINS
Family has $60 million in holdings, including nightclubs and a ski resort
LEGIT PAL
Sting
WIFE
Tatyana Akbarovna, an economist
FUTURE PROSPECTS
Bad health; no heir
INTELLECTUAL PURSUIT
Studied engineering and economics and economics
PECCADILLO
Accused of boiling people to death

COUNTRY
Equatorial Guinea
AGE (YEARS IN POWER)
68 years old (31)
NICKNAME
El Jefe
VICE
Makes people wear pictures of his face
TRADEMARK
Matches silk tie with pocket scarf
WORST CRIME
70 percent of the population lives on less than $2 a day
ILL-GOTTEN GAINS
$700 million from offshore drilling; son owns a $36 million jet
LEGIT PAL
Condoleezza Rice
WIFE
Has several wives, up to 40 children
FUTURE PROSPECTS
Propped up by oil
INTELLECTUAL PURSUIT
Cinéaste
PECCADILLO
Widely thought to be a cannibal