Despot Index: Allies in Oppression and Corruption

More than 400 million people live under the iron fist of these nasty tyrants. As Muammar Gaddafi and Bashar al-Assad fire on their own people, check out their allies in oppression and corruption.

COUNTRY
Libya

AGE (YEARS IN POWER)
68 years old (41)

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NICKNAME
King of Kings

VICE
Ukrainian nurses

TRADEMARK
Dressing like a doorman

WORST CRIME
Engineered Lockerbie bombing killing 270 people

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ILL-GOTTEN GAINS
144 tons of gold

LEGIT PAL
Silvio Berlusconi

WIFE
Safia, former nurse

FUTURE PROSPECTS
Not so promising

INTELLECTUAL PURSUIT
Authored The Green Book

PECCADILLO
All-virgin women bodyguards

COUNTRY
North Korea

AGE (YEARS IN POWER)
70 years old (16)

NICKNAME
Central Brain

VICE
Cognac

TRADEMARK
Matching pajamas

WORST CRIME
Famine claimed 1 million lives

ILL-GOTTEN GAINS
$4 billion; luxury appetite eats up 20 percent of nation's budget

LEGIT PAL
Hu Jintao

WIFE
Kim Young Sook; also has mistresses

FUTURE PROSPECTS
Son ready to rule

INTELLECTUAL PURSUIT
Authored On the Art of the Cinema

PECCADILLO
"Joy brigades" with high-school girls

COUNTRY
Belarus

AGE (YEARS IN POWER)
56 years old (16)

NICKNAME
Father of the Nation

VICE
Roller-skating

TRADEMARK
Stalin 'stache

WORST CRIME
Widespread human-rights abuses

ILL-GOTTEN GAINS
$9 billion personal fortune, according to WikiLeaks

LEGIT PAL
Pope Benedict XVI

WIFE
Galina Rodionovna Lukashenko

FUTURE PROSPECT
Back on the ballot

INTELLECTUAL PURSUIT
Agricultural expert

PECCADILLO
Enjoys songs about himself

COUNTRY
Zimbabwe

AGE (YEARS IN POWER)
87 years old (23)

NICKNAME
Bob

VICE
Has his own supermarket

TRADEMARK
Hitler 'stache

WORST CRIME
Massacre of thousands of civilians in 1980s

ILL-GOTTEN GAINS
With allies, OWNns nearly half of country's land

LEGIT PAL
Malaysian P.M.

WIFE
"Gucci" Grace, a.k.a. "the First Shopper"

FUTURE PROSPECTS
Mostly secure

INTELLECTUAL PURSUIT
Chancellor of Zimbabwe U.

PECCADILLO
Suspiciously homophobic

COUNTRY
Syria

AGE (YEARS IN POWER)
40 years old (10)

NICKNAME
The Lion

VICE
Coziness with Hizbullah

TRADEMARK
Flattop

WORST CRIME
Brutal suppression of recent protests

ILL-GOTTEN GAINS
Father Hafez was worth $2 billion

LEGIT PAL
Lula da Silva

WIFE
Asma, recently in Vogue

FUTURE PROSPECTS
Shaky

INTELLECTUAL PURSUIT
Trained ophthalmologist

PECCADILLO
Nepotism

COUNTRY
Burma

AGE (YEARS IN POWER)
78 years old (19)

NICKNAME
The Bulldog

VICE
Chummy with opium lords

TRADEMARK
Wearing women's clothing

WORST CRIME
1 million people dislocated by ruling junta

ILL-GOTTEN GAINS
Skimming off oil and gas profits

LEGIT PAL
Indian P.M.

WIFE
Kyaing Kyaing, who believes in magic

FUTURE PROSPECTS
Hanging on

INTELLECTUAL PURSUIT
Astrology fanatic

PECCADILLO
Believes he might be Buddha

COUNTRY
Sudan

AGE (YEARS IN POWER)
67 years old (21)

NICKNAME
Field Marshal

VICE
Polygamy

TRADEMARK
Cane

WORST CRIME
Hundreds of thousands killed in Darfur

ILL-GOTTEN GAINS
$9 billion hidden in foreign bank accounts

LEGIT PAL
Turkish P.M.

WIFE
Fatima Khalid, Widad Babiker

FUTURE PROSPECTS
Out in 2015

INTELLECTUAL PURSUIT
Trained paratrooper

PECCADILLO
Banned wedding celebrations

COUNTRY
Turkmenistan

AGE (YEARS IN POWER)
53 years old (4)

NICKNAME
Turkmenbashi

VICE
Workaholic

TRADEMARK
Peter Gallagher eyebrows

WORST CRIME
Dubious imprisonment of Pentecostal pastor in 2010

ILL-GOTTEN GAINS
Recently got two-seat airplane two-seat airplane from Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

LEGIT PAL
Prince Andrew

WIFE
Wife in London, mistress in Russia

FUTURE PROSPECTS
Very good

INTELLECTUAL PURSUIT
Trained dentist

PECCADILLO
Hosts annual horse beauty contest

COUNTRY
Uzbekistan

AGE (YEARS IN POWER)
73 years old (21)

NICKNAME
Big Papa

VICE
Heckling foreign heads of state

TRADEMARK
Comb-over

WORST CRIME
Soldiers killed hundreds in 2005's Andijan massacre

ILL-GOTTEN GAINS
Family has $60 million in holdings, including nightclubs and a ski resort

LEGIT PAL
Sting

WIFE
Tatyana Akbarovna, an economist

FUTURE PROSPECTS
Bad health; no heir

INTELLECTUAL PURSUIT
Studied engineering and economics and economics

PECCADILLO
Accused of boiling people to death

COUNTRY
Equatorial Guinea

AGE (YEARS IN POWER)
68 years old (31)

NICKNAME
El Jefe

VICE
Makes people wear pictures of his face

TRADEMARK
Matches silk tie with pocket scarf

WORST CRIME
70 percent of the population lives on less than $2 a day

ILL-GOTTEN GAINS
$700 million from offshore drilling; son owns a $36 million jet

LEGIT PAL
Condoleezza Rice

WIFE
Has several wives, up to 40 children

FUTURE PROSPECTS
Propped up by oil

INTELLECTUAL PURSUIT
Cinéaste

PECCADILLO
Widely thought to be a cannibal