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By Jack Beresford
Senior Reporter
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A woman has opened up about the moment she received the most unexpected of photos from her husband: a picture of him at the grave of her ex-husband.
Kirsten Clawson from Utah took to TikTok to share the photo with followers. It was a post that sparked a big response, but the biggest was undoubtedly reserved for Clawson herself, she told Newsweek.
Everyone grieves in different ways, and it is often informed by our outlook on life. "Life is a process of accumulating losses," Donna Schuurman, a therapist and senior director at the Dougy Center, a nonprofit focused on helping people deal with grief, told WebMD.
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"How we integrate or ignore, process or push away those losses—of everything: jobs, friendships, relationships, health, things that matter to us—starts to become patterns," Schuurman said. "It shapes how we look at the world, who we become, how we're able to show up for other people."
Clawson married Jason in 2022, two years on from the death of her first husband, Cody. Though her life has moved on with the arrival of her and Jason's daughter, Maisie, she still mourns for her ex-husband, who died of acute myeloid leukemia, aged 43.
"You have to feel the emotions. You have to let yourself feel and acknowledge and move through them; otherwise, they sit in your body and they bubble up as anger or despair," Clawson said. "That's what I do, I allow myself to feel the heavy emotions of losing love and then finding love again. It's not easy."
Jason understands those emotions more than most. His first wife, Valerie, died of colon cancer aged 38 in 2019. Clawson and Jason actually met through a Facebook widow and widower support group.
Jason's visit to Cody's grave happened by chance. "My late husband is buried about an hour away from where we live. Jason had a work meeting in that area that day," Clawson said. "He got to the area early for the meeting, so he decided to go visit Cody's grave."
When the photograph of Jason alongside Cody's grave came through on Clawson's phone, her reaction was characterized best by one single, overriding emotion: love.
"It meant everything to me. To have him recognize Cody by a simple visit to his grave meant so much," Clawson said. Jason's own experience undoubtedly shaped his decision to visit Cody's grave. It is a gesture Clawson has always been happy to reciprocate.
"We go visit Valerie's grave a lot because it's local to us, but it's hard to get to Cody's because it's further away." Clawson said. "He knew how much it'd mean to me that he'd stopped by because we can't get there as often. Because of his loss, he knows how important it is to keep their memory alive."
Clawson ended up sharing a screenshot of the photo to her TikTok, @kirstenclawson, praising his efforts in helping remind her that her "first love is never forgotten."
Many were full of praise for his efforts, sharing similar experiences in the comments section. "My first husband passed away when I was 25 a year and a half later I met my second husband who paid for my first husband's tombstone because family wouldn't," one wrote.
"I lost my husband & the father to my children 10.5 years ago. Married again 2 years ago & my current husband does the same thing! This is what it feels like to be rich," another posted.
Others had a different reaction to the post. "This is so odd," one commented. "I don't know, maybe I'm the only one who finds this strange," another wrote.
The reaction is a reminder of how grief impacts people differently. Clawson said that she created the post because she wants people to know "it's OK to mourn what's gone, yet still be happy for what you have."
"I want people to understand that remarriage after loss is not a competition, and it's not a wash of their memory," she added. "Cody will always be a part of my story, which makes him a part of me forever. I am who I am today because of ways that he changed me while we were together. Jason knows that and honors and respects it."
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