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By Alice Gibbs
Senior Reporter
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A man on Reddit revealed that after 14 happy years of marriage, his wife suddenly asked him to sell his beloved business to focus on starting a family and eventually be a stay-at-home dad.
The 42-year-old man shared the story on Reddit's r/AITAH subreddit under the handle u/TunaKing81. He explained he is a tuna fisherman and charter owner who lives in Ontario, Canada.
"I own two boats and licenses through my company. I bought the first license at 21, the second at 25. Both are now paid off. I make a very good living," he wrote.
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He said that he works hard during the season, which lasts around four months of the year. For the rest of the year, he doesn't have to work. His wife, 35, recently qualified as a doctor after nine years of university study.
"This year my wife has started insisting that I start to think about selling the licenses and boats because she feels it's time to start a family and that since she's a doctor, I should sell them to stay home, raise our children, and be home all year," the Redditor wrote.
"I told her in no uncertain terms that I love her, I want children with her, but I am not now, or for the foreseeable future, selling my business or giving up the business that I have loved since I first went tuna fishing with my father when I was 12. I would be miserable without it."
With his wife adamant that he quit the job, he said that it was the last thing on his mind.
"I have no intention of retiring for at least another 25 years, and when I do, I plan to give the licenses and gear to my son from a previous relationship, and the reason I built this business to begin with, I never wanted my son to see me as a failure," he wrote.
Relationship therapist Rhian Kivits told Newsweek: "It's not fair for one partner to make demands on the other. This can damage the relationship and can plant a seed of resentment in the partner who's being told to make a change that they don't really want."
But while demands are a no-go, Kivits said there has to be a way for a couple to approach each other about issues.
"This is the starting point for communication, negotiation and compromise," she said. "Both partners have a chosen vocation rather than a 'job' and in both cases, each would have had to commit to study or training, the building of experience and a very clear career trajectory."
While both are committed to their vocation, Kivits said it was unfair for either to expect the other to give up what they love.
"Are they really ready for children? Do they truly understand what the path of parenthood requires from them?" she asked. "The core issue here is communication. The couple seem to have reached a stalemate."
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In thousands of comments on Reddit, people shared their reactions to the dilemma. Linzercooky said: "How on earth have you been married 14 years without discussing what your plan for kids would be?"
Others suggested a move might help them. Tiredandshort wrote: "Why not fully move to Nova Scotia? That way even in the summer the whole family can still be together."
But one commenter did see both sides of the argument. Fzooey78 wrote: "I'm not saying you should just give up your charter, but making it sound like she's being unreasonable for wanting her husband around to raise her kid with her isn't fair either. You mostly sound hurt because you feel like she's embarrassed of you now. If true, that would suck."
"In order to solve the problem, the couple would benefit from sitting down together and discussing their priorities," said Kivits. "If they're truly ready to start a family and understand what children might need, it might be important to talk about how they can make this work without totally sacrificing their own needs and goals."
Newsweek reached out to u/TunaKing81 via Reddit for comment. We were not able to verify the details of this case.
If you have a family dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
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