Friend Rejecting Wedding Invite Over Couple's 'Lack of Effort' Applauded

A friend debating whether to decline an invitation to the wedding of a couple who "made no effort" on their friendship has received a wave of support on Mumsnet, the U.K.-based online forum.

In a post shared on Mumsnet's Am I Being Unreasonable (AIBU) subforum under the username Confuseddotcom2022, the friend said they were initially invited to the wedding abroad back in 2020. The nuptials were planned for 2021 before being "bumped to 2023" due to the couple having a baby and restrictions in place amid the COVID-19 pandemic.

"Given that they've made no effort with us over the past 3 years, other than for us to go to their 2 parties, is it unreasonable to now decline the invite?" the user asked, adding they "suffer from the rise in living costs" and attending this event over four days would land them "in the region of 2 grand!" in costs.

The user in the latest viral Mumsnet post, which received at least 247 votes on its poll at the time of writing, is not alone in feeling emptied of their pockets when it comes to weddings.

A pink wedding invitation card in envelope.
Stock image of an aerial view of a wedding invitation card peeking out of a pink envelope held out by a hand near a pot of pink flowers. A post about a friend debating whether to attend a wedding abroad to which they were invited two years ago has gone viral on Mumsnet. iStock / Getty Images Plus

According to a survey of 2,500 people attending weddings in 2022, conducted by the wedding planning website Zola, while the majority of guests (77 percent) were reported to be excited about weddings this year, over a quarter (28 percent) said they felt "broke."

The study found that overall, a person will spend more than $1,500 to be a wedding guest in 2022, with travel costs and wedding gifts being the top expenses for 29 percent of those surveyed.

The average cost of attending a wedding by plane was found to be $1,314 per person, according to the survey.

The original Mumsnet poster said they attended the couple's "very Instagram" gender reveal party and baby shower, providing them gifts and "joining in" online even though "the hosts barely spoke or acknowledged us," with around 50 people there. The couple have "removed plus ones and family from the wedding invites due to the rising costs."

The user said: "I guess due to the lack of effort from them to see us, we are planning on phasing the friendship out anyway. Fortunately we got a full refund for the previously booked hotel, but are on the fence about going at all now."

Several users on Mumsnet sided with the original poster, saying it's "perfectly reasonable" to decline the invitation and "phase them out."

User Kite22 said it's: "Perfectly reasonable to contact them now and let them know that you will not be able to attend their wedding...lives move on—it sounds like [they] have moved on a lot, and I suspect a lot of people's will have since they were first invited in 2020.

User TolkiensFallow said: "Phase them out. Don't feel bad. Just give them plenty of notice and say that you're sorry but your financial circumstances have changed and you can no longer attend."

User Sunflowergin noted: "It's an invite not a summons...and you clearly don't like them so why would you want to go?," while DwightShrutesYFronts: "Hell no. Don't go. Don't give it another minute's thought. YANBU [you are not being unreasonable]."

User BendingSpoons advised the original poster should decline, adding the couple "probably won't be too bothered anyway if your friendship has fizzled out."

Newsweek was not able to verify the details of this case.

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