The 2015 Newsweek Gift Guide for Everyone Else

12_16_GGNemesisMain_01
A selection of gifts for the outliers in your life. Newsweek

You've gotten gifts for the best, now get gifts for the rest of the oddballs in your life.

Gifts For Your Nemesis
 

12_25_GG_dicks One of several "bags of dicks" available from shipabagofdicks.com. shipabagofdicks.com

1. Bag of Dicks
$14
Website
Gummy phalluses: a sweet way to tell someone they are less than the world’s best person. Risk factor: What if your enemy doesn't notice the shape and just enjoys the gummies?

12_25_GG_Blockbuster A laptop displays Blockbuster on Demand. Blockbuster

2. Blockbuster on Demand Subscription
Cost: $20/month
Website
Though it’s now a service called Sling, remind them: no Netflix for the wicked.

12_25_GG_GuyFieri People walk by Guy's American Kitchen in New York. Guy's American Kitchen

3. Gift card for Guy Fieri's American Kitchen
$25-$200
Website
We're actually Guy Fieri loyalists personally, but giving someone a gift card to the restaurant that the New York Times called "deeply unlovable" sends a message. And that message is: I hope you rot in Flavor Town.

12_25_GG_BitterTears Bompas & Parr

4. Bitter Tears
25 pounds ($38)
Website
U.K. conceptual artists Bompas and Parr are offering a "Bitter Tears Workshop" in which attendees will learn how to make alcohol bitters using their own tears as a base. Gift them to your nemesis and tell them that's the last time you'll ever cry for them.

12_25_GG_Shoes A shoe deodorizer. Sharper Image

5. Shoe Deodorizer
$130
Website
Buying things for your One True Enemy is all about subtly conveying insults and threats. At this price, the Sharper Image Shoe Deodorizer is for a nemesis to whom you are particularly committed. In order to pay this much, you must intend to foster that relationship for years to come (until one of you inevitably dies by the other's hand).

12_25_GG_Hootie Hootie and the Blowfish's "Cracked Rear View." Amazon

6. Used CD copy of Hootie & the Blowfish's Cracked Rear View in "Acceptable" Condition
$4 or less
Order from Amoeba Music
Nothing says "I found this while cleaning out the filthy backseat of my dad's 1992 Chevy C15" like handing over a used copy of Hootie and the Blowfish's 10.5-million-selling snoozefest of a debut album. This is one of two mid-'90s releases you can find in virtually any dollar CD bin (R.E.M.'s Monster is the other).

12_25_GG_TrueDetective True Detective, season 2, on Blu-Ray. Overstock

7. True Detective: Season 2 Blu-Ray
$57
Order from Overstock
On Blu-Ray, no less! What did this person do to deserve such a droll kiss-off?

12_25_GG_1989 Ryan Adams' album of "1989" covers. PAX AM

8. Ryan Adams's 1989 on vinyl
$18
Website
The biggest pop album of 2014, now twice as lethargic and half as fun

12_25_GG_Keyboard The B.Meowsic Keyboard. B.

9. B. Meowsic Keyboard​
Cost: $37
Order from Diapers.com
This is a keyboard for children that makes atonal cat noises. User reviews describe it as "purposefully bad," "borderline gruesome," "obnoxious" and "terrifying." Enjoy!

12_25_GG_Slate The Slate+ logo. Slate

10. Subscription to Slate Plus
Cost: $5 a month or $50 a year
Website
Assuming your nemesis isn't a podcast nut, he or she will be amusingly baffled to receive a subscription to a website that's already totally free.

12_25_GG_FanDuel The FanDuel logo. FanDuel

11. Page torn out of magazine with FanDuel bonus code​
Not much
You have to really hate someone to give them a gift this lazy.

 

Gifts For Your Sibling That Just Moved to Colorado
 

12_25_GG_iHit The iHit, an iPhone case with a built-in one-hitter. iHit

1. iPhone Case with a Built-In One-Hitter
$10
Website
An iPhone case with a one-hitter really toes the line between convenience and utter laziness. 

12_25_GG_Cannador The Cannador marijuana humidor. Cannador

2. "Cannador" Weed Humidor
Cost: $209-$219
Website
Because marijuana and organization aren't always mutually exclusive.

12_25_GG_SnoopDogg A Snoop Dogg G-Pen. Grenco Science

3. Snoop Dogg G-Pen
$50
Website
Like, of course Snoop Dogg has his name on the finest vaporizer available.

12_25_GG_OGGrinder The "Queen OG Grinder," from ShopStayWild. ShopStayWild

4. Sparkly Gold "Queen OG" Grinder
$65
Website
For the sibling whose future is so bright, they need a Swarovski-encrusted grinder.

12_25_GG_RastaLighter A Rasta lighter leash. Lighter Leash

5. Rasta Lighter Leash
$4
Website
Because lighters don't always sit or stay in your pocket.

12_25_GG_AtomicVantage A pair of Atomic Vantage Ritual skis. Atomic

6. Atomic "Vantage" Ritual Skis
$800
Website
Because we should probably assume not everyone moves to Colorado to smoke marijuana legally, this gift is for the cosmic shredder who wants a serious speed advantage on the slopes.

12_25_GG_Mantry A snack box from monthly delivery service Mantry. Mantry

7. The Mantry Snack Box
$75-450
Website
A giant box of monthly treats like fine smoked meats, drink mixers and cashew butter? Yes, please!

12_25_GG_SnoopLighters Lighters bearing Snoop Dogg's face, ShopSmokeyTaboo

8. Snoop Dogg Lighters
$15
Website
One, two, three and to the four, Snoop Doggy Dogg lighters straight to your door. (Though Snoop is out of stock at the moment, there are still Justin Bieber, Mia Wallace and Meltdown Britney lighters available!)

9. The Ronco Beef Jerky Machine
$35
Website
Meat is the new bread. 

12_25_GG_BeefJerkey The Ronco Beef Jerky Machine. Target

Gifts For Your Bodega Guy or Gal
 

12_25_GG_MmmmBacon Bed Bath & Beyond

1. Cast Iron Bacon Press
$8
Website
For a better, crispier bacon, egg and cheese. Your stomach thanks you already.

12_25_GG_EggHolder Kohl's

2. Hard Boiled Egg Holder
$10
Website
A cute vessel for hard-boiled eggs. Shell out for the guy or gal who's always helping you out.

12_25_GG_ExactChange Dara Kushner/Alamy

3. Exact Change
Give them something they'll actually use. They may consider it a holiday miracle.

12_25_GG_Catnip Priscilla's Pet Products

4. Priscilla's Grow Your Own Catnip Set
$8.95
Website
Because you never know when you'll need to have the bodega cat on your side.

12_25_GG_BodegaCup wearehappytoserveyou.com

5. "We Are Happy to Serve You" Ceramic Bodega Cup
$13
Website
The iconic New York coffee cup goes upscale.

 

Gifts For Taylor Swift
 

12_25_GG_DogSelfie The "Pooch Selfie" phone case attachment. Pooch Selfie

1. Tennis Ball Smartphone Attachment For Better Selfies
$13 (not including selfie balls)
Website
Probably works on cats, like Meredith Gray and Olivia Benson.

12_25_GG_Polaroid A 10-pack of Polaroid 300 film. Target

2. Polaroid Refill
$16.99
Website
Since the cover of 1989 was just a Polaroid picture of Swift, we figure she's got to be out of film by now.

12_25_GG_T-Swift1989 Taylor Swift's "1989." Big Machine Records

3. CD-R of 1989 acoustic cover album recorded on GarageBand
One CD-R
Website
"Nice to meet you, where you been? / I could show you incredible 1989 solos."

12_25_GG_T-Swift-PopArt A pop-art rendition of Taylor Swift's lyrics, in the style of Roy Lichtenstein. ArtTransplant/Etsy

4. Taylor Swift Pop Art
$81.82
Website
Pop art is for everyone. Even Tay-Tay gets the Roy Lichtenstein treatment.

12_25_GG_Nagel A painting by Patrick Nagel. Patrick Nagel

5. Patrick Nagel Painting
By request
Website
Speaking of pop art, if Taylor loves the '80s so much, she should really own a Nagel: the ultimate hipster status symbol of the decade.

12_25_GG_CarlyRae Carly Rae Jepsen's "Emotion," on vinyl. Silent Records

6. Carly Rae Jepsen's Emotion on Vinyl
$22
Website
The "Call Me Maybe" singer's critically acclaimed album is a shimmering pop meltdown that sounds more like 1989 than 1989 does. Maybe T-Swift will be inspired to whip out the sax solos.

12_25_GG_DentalFloss Oral-B Complete Deep Clean Ultra Floss dental floss. drugstore.com

7. Dental Floss
$3
Website
As the owner of the pearliest whites in music, Swift is likely an avid flosser. Save her a trip to CVS.

 

Gifts to Connect With the Teen in Your Life
 

12_25_GG_PizzaPillow Wow! Works

1. Pizza Pillow
$30
Website
Cute and strange. Plus, last time we checked, pizza is still bae.

12_25_GG_SugarLips Fresh

2. Sugar Lip Gloss Set
$73
Website
Slightly more serious than Lip Smackers. 

12_25_GG_HBONow HBO

3. HBO Now
Cost: $14.99/month
Website
You'll never need to have the "birds and the bees" talk when they can just watch Game of Thrones.

4. Subscription to Newsweek
$99.99/year
Website
We're pretty sure the teens love this magazine. 

12_25_GG_RookieYearbook Rookie

5. Rookie Yearbook Four
Cost: $18.66
Website
Like a best friend's zine; for kids who don't yet know how cool they are.

12_25_GG_BladeDrone Blade

6. Blade Nano QX Drone
Cost: $145.54
Website
It's the equivalent of the Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle, for the Instagram generation. 

12_25_GG_Canary Canary

7. Canary Security 
$180
Website
A portable security system for your room. And stay out!

12_25_GG_Skoshbox Skoshbox

8. Skoshbox 
$10/box
Website
With a monthly delivery service of the best Japanese snacks, you don't even need to leave your room—much less the country—to get your hands on international treats.

12_25_GG_CrossStitch TheBoredStitcher/Etsy

9. One Direction Cross Stitch
$12
Website
Harry Styles would approve of this stylish ode to Britain's best boy band of late.

12_25_GG_Orb Ice

10. Ice Orb Floating Bluetooth Speaker
$149.99
Website
There's no way teens can put you on ice after you gift them this uber-cool Bluetooth-compatible speaker.

12_25_GG_SelfieStick Abco Tech

11. Selfie Stick With Bluetooth Remote Shutter
$13
Website
Clicking is so 2013.