'Hard and Traumatic': Internet Split Over Man Blanking Cheating Mom for 15 Years

A man has gained attention online after sharing his dilemma stemming from his mother's affair when he was a 12-year-old.

The anonymous 28-year-old took to popular Subreddit "Am I the Asshole" to ask for advice on his decision to disinvite his cousins to his wedding, after discovering they had been giving his mom information about him over the years. In less than a day, the post has gained over 8,000 votes and 4,000 comments.

He explained to fellow Reddit users that at 12, his parents got divorced after it was discovered his mom had an affair with a sports teammate's father. Unsurprisingly, he favored his dad in the situation as a teen.

"I was supposed to spend one week at my moms then the next week at my dads. But I would usually just lock myself in my room at my moms. Usually my dad would drop me off and I would get on my bike and ride the couple miles back to his house," he wrote.

Despite attempts from his mother, with encouragement from his dad, to heal their relationship, including therapy, the poster was unable to forgive his mom and eventually moved in with his dad full time.

"I haven't spoken a word to my mom in 15 years," he wrote. "She would show up to my games alone. Sometimes I would ask my dad to tell her to leave. Sometimes I didn't even notice she was there. She would try talking to me after and I would walk right past her. I cut her whole family off besides a few of my cousins that were around my age. She showed up to my high school graduation and I asked a couple teachers to remove her and they did."

"When my dad passed away a couple years ago, she tried to show up to the funeral and I met her outside to ask her to leave. My fiancé was with me when I did this and my mom cried upon learning we were engaged. Saying she couldn't believe I hated her still this many years later."

The man explained that he received a letter from his mom just last week, with a "large check" inside. In the letter, she explained that she "couldn't live" knowing she wouldn't be invited to the wedding, and admitted to receiving regular updates about him from his cousins over the years.

"I called up my cousins who admitted that since I was 14 they have been providing my mom with updates on me. Prom pics, college updates, engagement photos and they sent her my address. I was so mad that I told them they wouldn't be invited to the wedding anymore because I don't want my mom getting access to it," he wrote, adding that he ripped up the check and sent it back.

Research by clinical psychologist Ana Nogales, author of Parents Who Cheat: How Children and Adults are Affected When Their Parents Are Unfaithful found that 75 percent of children felt betrayed by their cheating parents while 80 percent said that the infidelity shapes their outlook on romance and relationships. Moreover, 70 percent said having a cheating parent affects their general trust in others.

Mother and son arguing
Stock image of a mother and son arguing. A Reddit poster said he hadn't spoken a word to his mother in 15 years, since she cheated on his father. Getty Images

Despite the post asking for advice on his actions towards his cousins only, users weighed in with their views on both situations—and the jury was undecided.

Many concluded that the poster should let go of the feelings he has held for his mom, with one user asking: "Why are you punishing your mom so severely?"

"She made an awful mistake years ago, a mistake many parents make. They have a right to their own lives and moral failings," they added.

"Honestly I would encourage you to explore why you feel this hatred for your mom that seems disproportionate. Punishing your cousins for showing compassion does seem like going too far."

One user shared their view, pulling on their own similar experience: "First off i'm so sorry for what you've been through—dealing with your moms cheating and your parents divorce had to be hard and traumatic. I'm also sorry for your loss of your father.

"But I gotta ask. When is it gonna be enough? Your mom lived most of her life with a loss of her husband and her son. She lost everything. After all this time, when is it gonna be enough? Are you really going to grow old and die with that pain and anger. You're not free. You don't have to accept her mistakes but you need to forgive. This was between your parents. I know first hand what you're going through. Go to your mom. Tell her how you feel. You owe it to yourself."

Others favored the side of the Reddit poster, reasoning that the cousins were not in their right to share such information: "You're not cutting your cousins off because your mum cheated. You're cutting them off because they broke your boundaries. They knew you wanted nothing to do with her yet they sent updates and your address. That is a major betrayal, she could have turned up at the house and you would have been unprepared," wrote one user.

"I made it very clear that if anyone told my dad about my life, specifically my wedding details then I would cut them out. I didn't want him and his wife turning up and making a scene."

One user boldly dubbed the cousins "the a**hole" for their actions, adding: ''You should always ask for permission before giving out someone else's personal info like number or address.

"She hurt you and betrayed your family and this is the consequences of her action. You decide who you want to keep in your life, but I do think you should let go of your anger. Not for her but for you."