"I've found that it's quite easy not to masturbate in front of my employees. In fact it's one of the easiest things I don't do," said Samantha Bee, host of TBS's Full Frontal, in her stinging late-night skit about the ensuing Harvey Weinstein sexual misconduct scandal.
Bee, the former Daily Show correspondent, delivered a "penis PSA" to men in the workplace who might be concerned about accusations of harassment, like those leveled at Weinstein. Dozens of women have come forward with allegations against the Hollywood mogul in the week since The New York Times and the New Yorker have come forward with major exposes.
Since then, top actors including Angelina Jolie and Gwyneth Paltrow have opened up about their uncomfortable experiences with Weinstein, who, they allege, used his position of power as a movie producer to harass women. Three women have also accused Weinstein of rape—an allegation his attorney denies.
Describing herself as a "big comedy star slash Hollywood executive," Bee suggested that it really isn't hard to act with decorum in the workplace. "Every day I wake up, get dressed, take the subway to work, and then don't masturbate in front of anyone," she said. "Next time you get the urge to masturbate just ask yourself, 'Am I in front of an employee or a colleague? If the answer is yes, then don't. Just don't."
"Some [men]," she went on, "have even stopped having solo meetings with women at all. Which is great for women's careers. Thanks guys."
Bee's skit got more R-rated from there, taking a sledgehammer to masculine fragility. "Men, I'm sorry to break this to you, but your dick is ugly. So definitely don't show it to strangers. Don't text pics of it to people, and don't whip it out at film festivals."
Another helpful bit of advice for businessmen: "Don't masturbate in front of people who haven't specifically asked you to. And even then, stop and ask yourself, 'What is our power dynamic?' Is there a chance in hell that this person might only be agreeing to see my hideous dick for fear of their career? If so, make a good business choice, and keep your business in your pants."
Human resources executives, add this to your employee work induction video list.
