Holiday Help for Those with Eating Disorders
The holidays can be the most stressful time of year for people with eating disorders. So many of the family gatherings throughout are focused on breaking bread or eating pie that it can be overwhelming, says Lynn Grefe, CEO of the National Eating Disorders Association. This emphasis on food can impair recovery or even trigger a relapse, so compassion and sensitivity are key to helping those with disorders navigate the holidays. A few tips:
1. Strategize: Many people who are being treated for their eating disorders have meal plans that they can follow and feel safe about following, says Dr. Craig Johnson, director of the eating disorders program at Laureate Psychiatric Clinic & Hospital in Tulsa, Okla. Holiday dinner foods throw that off track (sometimes just having such an abundance of food can trigger bulimic episodes.) So plan ahead. Whether it's making some foods available or just making others less obvious. "Hopefully, people who have eating disorders have treatment teams that they've been able to speak with about strategies for getting through the holidays without raising the risk of relapse," he says. "Hopefully, the families have had the opportunity to be part of that strategy as well."
2. Don't Force: In many cases, eating disorders are linked to issues of control or abuse, Johnson says. Insisting that an eating-disordered family member attend the big Christmas brunch or pile on another few slices of ham can be very harmful. "It can trigger them into an oppositional and defiant stance" and enhance the negative effects of the disorder, he says. "If they're telling you that the setting is going to be uncomfortable for them, more bad things will happen as a result of trying to force them into that setting."
3. Don't Focus on the Food: Some people with eating disorders dread holiday meals so much that they'll make excuses to get out of going home at all, Grefe says. The season's focus on food and cooking means that people with diagnosed disorders feel that their eating habits will be watched closely, and people who are trying to hide disorders will be especially worried about being caught. "Don't be watching, don't be monitoring [how much they're eating]," Grefe says. "Talk to them about what's going on in the world. Don't put the eating disorder on the main platter of the table."
4. It ' s Not Personal: The rest of the family will dig in, so if you're a host or hostess, don't be offended if a particular guest has a light plate. "A lot of people just don't get it," Grefe says. "An eating disordered person isn't trying to hurt anybody. They're not eating a little bit to hurt their mother or their father." The key to making sure friends or family members with eating disorders get through the holidays without too much stress is making them feel like it's safe to come home, and that they won't be criticized, pressured or put under a microscope, she says. "All of this needs to be done with kindness and love."
