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Humor: Katie Holmes to Give Birth on Moon

Expectant parents Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes announced plans today to give birth on the moon in what appears to be an escalating competition with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie for the nuttiest birth plan in history.

In a press conference at Cape Canaveral, where Cruise was conferring with NASA officials about the final details of the couple’s lunar journey, the actor denied that the plan to give birth on the moon was in any way motivated by the other couple’s decision to deliver their baby in Namibia. “I have been training to get my body accustomed to zero gravity for months now,” Cruise told reporters.  “That’s why I jumped up and down on Oprah’s couch.” Cruise said he and Holmes chose the moon because “it is really, really quiet there,” adding, “There are no human beings on the moon, no paparazzi, and most importantly, no psychiatrists.” News of the Cruise-Holmes plan to deliver their child on the moon sent the Pitt-Jolie camp scrambling to make their birth plan even more insane, as the couple announced that they had abandoned their decision to give birth in Namibia and that their baby would instead be delivered on the ocean floor by a watertight robot obstetrician. Cruise refused to comment on the updated Pitt-Jolie birth plan, but said that he and Holmes were still “tweaking” theirs: “All I can say is it’s going to involve Cirque du Soleil.” Elsewhere, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld got a vote of confidence today from a retired member of the Texas Air National Guard.