'I'm a Mormon Mom-of-Four Who Became a Nude Model'

I was an only child growing up, so I was a bit lonely. A neighboring family that we were very close with were Mormons, members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS), and I had another friend at school who was also Mormon. Through them, I was introduced to the Mormon Church and I started attending. I wasn't baptized in the Mormon Church until I was an adult, but in my mind I've been a member since I was a kid.

At the time it wasn't really about faith or religion, it was just about wanting something to do and wanting to belong. I liked this group that was very organized and close knit and had bible study class where I could make friends. I remember services as being three hours long, with a traditional service and then two classes, but I didn't pay a lot of attention. Of course knew about the Book of Mormon and that Joseph Smith founded The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I understood the basics and believed in the core of the religion.

But I just wanted to socialize; everyone was so welcoming. If you're a member, you're family. That's what I love about the Mormon Church.

After graduating high school I didn't attend for a while. I actually met someone in high school, got married a bit too young and had my son at 19. We separated and I rekindled a relationship with, and married, my husband Steve in my early 20s and we had three children together.

Rejoining the Mormon Church at the age of 30

I began working for a college in the admissions department in the Pacific Northwest where I live, and there was a woman there I was drawn to chatting with. She was older than me and, one day, I asked her why she wasn't married. She told me a story about how her husband had gone in for routine surgery and died unexpectedly and it had been a long, drawn out ordeal for her.

I kept thinking about her and then my own life. I was 30 then and had my husband and kids but I didn't have any friends outside work because I was so focused on my family. I felt lonely and knew that if something happened I would have been completely on my own.

I had a strong urge then that going back to the Mormon Church was what I needed to do. I told my husband and said that while the kids were young, I felt we needed to get them comfortable with attending. He was fine with that; he had the faith but not necessarily the desire to attend and be baptized. I then called missionaries over and started attending Church again and that's when I was baptized.

Life as a Mormon

I don't drink alcohol, coffee or caffeine. My parents, not for religious reasons, were extremely healthy so I've only ever sipped a soda, and I didn't like it. That part of being Mormon I follow very closely and it comes naturally to me. In the Mormon Church you're taught that you need care for your body and that if you're physically healthy, you're mentally healthy. That's important to me. But I call myself a big picture person; I don't hang on to every detail. A lot of my friends in the Church do follow every detail of the teachings. For example, I haven't heard my Church friends swear. I don't cuss like a sailor, but I think adult humor is funny and watch R rated movies, and my friends in the Church do not. But that doesn't make me a bad person or mean that I'm not going to heaven.

I also don't wear blessed undergarments except on occasion. The purpose of the garments is to be a constant reminder of the covenants we made, but I will be honest and admit that I find them uncomfortable and they bunch under my clothes. The best comparison I can give is that a wedding ring symbolizes the promises that are made when people marry. A man might not wear a wedding ring but probably still loves his wife and just doesn't see the need for the symbol. That symbol, like wearing blessed undergarments, is a minor detail in the

If you want to be a missionary in the Mormon Church, you serve a two year mission as a man or 18 months as a woman, but I haven't done that. We do have callings which I have been part of. All members of the church do volunteer work and it's unpaid. We rely on every member to work together to get jobs done. If there is a need as an adult woman, there is a Relief Society; you would go to the president and say that you have a need, such as a need for childcare. And we have Primary teachers, who teach the children. Most people have a role. I currently have a calling as a Visiting Teacher. In the role, we are assigned a family to minister to, to see if they need anything and share the spiritual message with them.

I have the same beliefs as the church when it comes to polygamy. I believe marriage is between God and two people, not more than two. Anyone practicing polygamy today is probably a member of their own version of the Mormon Church and not actually an active member of the LDS.

Looking back it feels like rejoining the Church when I did was kind of a religious experience, because several years after I began attending again, I did go through a crisis and my husband did get ill.

He developed an autoimmune disease and was diagnosed with cirrhosis and then had a three year battle in and out of the hospital until he passed. It was very traumatic and extremely tough on my children. And, it was very difficult to maintain a job and a household.

The Church was more supportive than I could have imagined. They showed up at the hospital in shifts to support me and they sent a meal every night so no one had to make dinner. They did this for three years and even set up counseling services for us through their Family Services department. I was also asked if I needed financial assistance, which I declined, but it was there. They went above and beyond.

After Steve passed in 2017, I crawled in a hole and hid for a while and the Church put together every detail of the funeral and made the service beautiful. It was amazing to take that off my plate emotionally and financially.

Becoming a Sex Worker later in life

The sex industry was actually something I had thought about since adolesence. I watched a lot of MTV and saw models like Anna Nicole-Smith and Carmen Electra who were also in Playboy. I was very comfortable with my body and proud of how I looked, and I thought it was glamorous, so I wanted to do the same. My friends thought I was nuts, so I kept it to myself for many years.

Obviously that ambition was derailed because I got married and had a son at 19, and I continued having children in my 20s. My husband also wouldn't have approved as he was more conservative. So it was always in the back of my mind, but I didn't push for it. I also didn't know where my place in the sex industry was.

Then, almost a year ago in early 2021, I was at home watching TV when I saw a news story about a woman, known as Tiffany Poindexter, whose kids were expelled from their Catholic school because she was outed as being on OnlyFans. It was a life changing moment. She had talked about the money she was making and so my only thought was, "Wow, what's OnlyFans?" I grabbed my phone, heart racing, and subscribed to her to see what it was. I immediately knew this was what I had been looking for.

Holly is Mormon and a Sex Worker
Mormon Church member Holly Jane has earned around $100,000 since beginning sex work on online platforms in 2021. Holly Jane

In early summer of 2021, I started building my social media, posting photos in lingerie and bathing suits because I knew I had to create a following. The next step was making a solo masturbation video and posting it on a porn site. It was my first time filming that act, but strangely enough I wasn't nervous about posting it or being seen by the public, I was actually nervous about whether my neighbor, someone from church or my son would see it.

But I was excited because I was getting views and my social media was growing. So I did it again. Things took off very quickly from there. I also used a site where you could send people underwear, make videos or send pictures to people and set your own prices.

Then I launched my OnlyFans page in August 2021 and my first month I made $1,000.

I have since doubled the money I make on OnlyFans every month. I've probably made close to $100,000 now and $35,000 of that was in the past month, because I'm getting more subscribers. But this is all virtual play, I am not physically involved with anyone. I definitely draw the line there.

I see myself more as a nude model but I suppose since I sext and make videos on OnlyFans that makes me an online sex worker. I always knew this work wasn't acceptable to the Mormon Church, but I feel that it's just the human body, although obviously around my children and at church, I dress conservatively. Even though my church teaches that God wants you to dress modestly and that a woman's naked body is to be seen by her husband when she's married, not the general public, I feel that God would want me to be proud of what I have.

The Church frowns upon pornography in general, married couples are taught that porn is sinful to look at, and is not healthy to view. I think these ideas are what society, church and religion are teaching. I don't think that is what God wants and believes and I don't believe that God, who I have a relationship with, has an issue with what I am doing. That's how I rationalize it. To me, men and women have sexual desires that they enjoy exploring and the desire to look at nudity is normal and natural.

Everyone at Church asks how work is all the time and I will say it's great, but nobody knows what I am doing. I have a couple of friends in the Mormon Church who do not attend the same ward as I do, I have talked to them about it and their response was, "Oh boy!" Their concern for me is when the Church finds out there could be an investigation and my ward would be contacted. They could say that my behavior doesn't reflect the church and withdraw my membership, the terminology for excommunication.

I see it as not if, but when, someone discovers the work I am doing. So I decided I was going to share my story. I feel that perhaps then there may be pressure not to ask me to leave the church. People who are members don't really talk about the church, so I don't think they like the publicity. Will they make an issue of this or think about acceptance and allow me to be myself and stay? I'm interested in what will happen. Perhaps they will say they don't condone what I am doing, but that I am still a member of this Church and ask that I think about repentance and consider not continuing the path I am on. Or it could go the other way, I'm not sure.

I also think I need to be an example. I am probably the only active Mormon nude adult model, but what about other people in the community that don't feel comfortable or have a place because they are divorced, dating someone who is a non-member or they are a member of the LGBTQ community. All of those people still have the faith and still have the same core beliefs. They may still want to attend but have decided not to because they don't feel comfortable or were pushed out. I want to publicly challenge that.

Holly is Mormon and a Sex Worker
Holly Jane is a member of the Mormon Church and began sex work through various online platforms in 2021. Holly Jane

In 2016, the Church came out to say that children of same-sex couples could not be baptized and though they did reverse that in 2019 and say that gay marriage was no longer an act of apostasy, it is still a transgression. Essentially they hold the same stance on LGBTQ people, they haven't really moved forward.

One thing the Mormon Church preaches is love and acceptance. They step up in many ways, but I think they should step up and show complete love and acceptance for all those that want to attend.

Revealing the truth to friends and family

I have two other friends who I have talked to and they weren't surprised. They basically said that it's not for them but they love me anyway. But the only child of my four that knows currently is my daughter. She is 13 and came to me after school and told me that her friend had somehow found my TikTok and Instagram and saw that I had an OnlyFans page. I had to explain in terms that were age appropriate because she thought I recruited nurses. She was a bit embarrassed but she's fine with it now. I explained to her by asking her if she knew what Playboy was and what she thought of it. She said she didn't really think it was a big deal.

I will need to explain to my son, but he will understand. He is pretty conservative, but if I explain in ways he can understand what my motives are, why I like doing it and what exactly I am doing, I think he will be OK with it.

With the amount of money I'm currently making and the potential to make more, I have set a goal that I'm going to do this for 10 years. I'm 39 now and I have friends in the industry who are 60 years old. I think that's amazing, but personally I would rather lie on the beach at that age.

Of course there is a huge financial motivation, but as a mom, my kids are the most important thing to me. Being able to spend time with them and control my own schedule is very important to me. Even though I worked from home before, I didn't have enough flexibility. If I need to take my children somewhere, I need to be able to drop what I'm doing without asking for permission. I can create content when I want to and I'll often work during the day because I have a part time nanny. Then from 3pm to 7.30pm I'm with my kids and not looking at my phone. I get to put them to bed or go to their concerts. That, to me, is very important.

I'm the happiest I have ever been. I'm finally doing what I want to do and I have more confidence than ever before. I feel like I'm finally alive.

Holly Jane (not her real name) is a mom-of-four, member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and shares content on OnlyFans, other social media channels and her website ilovehollyjane.

All views expressed in this article are the author's own.

As told to Jenny Haward.