Wife Who Wants to Sleep in Separate Bed From Husband Praised: 'Be Selfish'

A post on Mumsnet has recently gone viral after a woman shared her concerns about sleeping in the same bed as her husband due to his snoring.

Under the username Thebeastofsleep, the wife shared the post on Monday on the AIBU? (Am I Being Unreasonable?) channel and captioned it "To not want to sleep in the same bed as my husband?" Since then, the post has received 115 replies and the accompanying poll has seen a total of 619 votes, with 98 percent voting that the OP (original poster) was not being unreasonable.

In the post, the woman described that her husband regularly snores at night, noting that "he isn't overweight but has a significant family history of sleep apnea which he refuses to acknowledge."

Woman covering ears next to snoring man
An image showing a woman covering her ears with a pillow while lying next to a snoring man. A post on Mumsnet has recently gone viral after a woman shared how she doesn't want to sleep in the same bed with her husband because of his snoring. Getty Images/AntonioGuillem

According to the information published on Mayo Clinic, although occasional snoring is normal, in some cases it can be related to a chronic disorder such as obstructive sleep apnea (OSA). Some of the symptoms of OSA include breathing pauses during sleep, excessive daytime sleepiness, trouble concentrating, restless sleep. According to the source, "OSA often is characterized by loud snoring followed by periods of silence when breathing stops or nearly stops."

Because of this issue, the wife described that she tends to sleep in the family's spare room, which has led to protests from her husband: "He complained that this left him with the lion's share of kids wake ups, which is true, so I suggested we take turns."

"We do generally take turns but he's getting increasingly annoyed at it. He wants to share a bed. I want some f*cking sleep," she added.

The woman then wrote that after having discussions with her husband, she had agreed to share a bed again, but only if he agrees to consult a doctor about the snoring issue, an offer that the partner has since declined.

"He doesn't believe it's that bad despite me recording him and others commenting," the wife described. The OP shared that her husband also told her to "get over it" and "just go to sleep."

"I can't. I'm an incredibly light sleeper and after 6 years of broken sleep from kids I just can't cope anymore and I've been really enjoying getting full night's sleep," the OP wrote.

According to the OP, the couple still occasionally shares a bed during the holidays or when hosting guests in the house. However, the wife also shared that she has opted to wear "custom made ear plugs," and although she has described them as helpful, she also admitted that they hurt her ears "after a while," making it difficult to wear them every night.

The woman also pointed out that the couple's "sex life is fine," and that outside of the bedroom, the couple "have plenty of contact/intimacy."

Towards the end of the post, the wife sought opinions from other Mumsnet users asking whether she was being unreasonable or if her husband was the one in the wrong.

Many commenters seemed to have agreed with the OP:

"He's massively unreasonable!," one user wrote.

"He is being utterly selfish. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture," said another.

"He's very unreasonable," one person commented in support. "He wants it all his way. Wants you to sleep in the same bed but won't contemplate seeing a doctor?! Stick to your guns."

"Just be selfish yourself!" another user commented.

A fair amount of users suggested permanently sleeping in separate bedrooms, while others seemed appalled that the husband did not appear to be taking his health seriously. "Does he realise, that not addressing this he's risking his actual life?" wrote a concerned user. "Tell him you'll share a bed with him when he's got his f*cking CPAP and not before."

A CPAP (continuous positive airway pressure) machine is a common treatment for sleep apnea that uses pressurized air to reduce obstructions in a person's airways while they sleep.

According to the American Sleep Apnea Association, it's estimated that 22 million Americans suffer from OSA, with 80 percent accounting for moderate to severe cases. While using CPAP machines can help, doctors also commonly recommend losing weight and not sleeping on one's back, as well as surgical procedures for more extreme cases.

This wouldn't be the first time that a relationship dilemma has gone viral. Newsweek recently covered a viral Reddit post about a woman asking if she was being unreasonable after she had embarrassed her aunt for a "rude" question about marriage. Newsweek also reported on the internet's reaction on a husband's "narcissism" for choosing his mother over his wife. And recently, another woman was praised for leaving her boyfriend who had a "psychotic break" over a laundry-related situation.