Internet Backs Woman Who Defended Parents Disowning Gay Older Brother

Commenters in a popular internet forum defended a woman who claimed she defended her parents when they decided to disown her older brother for coming out as gay.

The anonymous woman, known as u/jdjcjcinsbxjic, posted about her situation in Reddit's popular "Am I The A**hole" forum where it received nearly 10,000 upvotes and 800 comments from supporting users, many calling out her parents' "narcissistic" tendencies for favoring her older brother.

In the post titled "AITA for 'forcing' my parents to disown my gay brother?" the woman, 28, explained that she "hates" her brother, 30, because he is their parents' "golden child."

Experts often write about individuals with narcissism creating one "golden child" leading to the other siblings feeling like the family scapegoat. This serves as a way to manipulate or displace blame.

Woman defends parents for disowning brother
A woman went viral in a popular Reddit forum after claiming that she did not back up her brother when their parents said they wanted to disown him for being gay. The post received nearly 10,000 upvotes and 800 comments from supporting users. Voyagerix/iStock

The woman explained that she was not planned and that her traditional parents never "wanted a girl" and favored her brother. Her brother also disliked her, telling lies to their parents or stealing and blaming her.

"He sabotaged all of my relationships, he bullied me, he forced my friends against me," the post read. "My parents always took his side."

The woman said she got a scholarship for college and left home, whereas her brother stayed in their hometown and rented a place near their parents—that their parents paid for.

Other than the family group chat that centered around her brother's achievements, the woman said her family stopped contacting her and never sent money.

In the post, she explained that she is now married and that her family did not show up to the wedding. She and her husband live in another state and she is pregnant with their second child.

"Anyways, my parents are very traditional. Male head of the family, tradition, all this crap," the post read. "So my brother coming out shocked them. They absolutely demand blood related descendants to carry on the family name (I should mention that I and my kids all have my husband's surname)."

She also explained that within the family, adoption and surrogates are not an option.

However, in an update to the post, the woman said her parents requested that the future baby carry the family surname rather than her husband's.

In the post, the woman also mentioned that her brother recently contacted her out of nowhere.

"Apparently, my parents will disown him (he lives off their money, has never worked) unless he fixes the relationship with me (so that they can lay claim to my children)," the post read. "Since he is the cause I drifted away from my family (he isn't the sole cause, I blame my parents)."

She said her brother took a flight to her state and tried to blame the bullying on his stress from not being open about his sexuality. She told him that the family is "dead" to her and that she doesn't care about him.

Her brother said she was petty since she was "willing to ruin an adult's life over childhood slight" and that she was homophobic. The woman said she refused to contact her parents again since she felt like a "back-up source of blood related grand babies" since the "golden child 'failed' them."

According to Healthline, some long-term effects of growing up in a family that favors one child over the other include low self-esteem, holding resentment toward family members, and having a negative perception in adulthood.

Hundreds of users commented on the woman's post, many supporting her for standing up for herself and also not putting up with her parents' "narcissistic" antics by choosing a golden child.

"Narcissistic parents usually have a golden child. Now they think this is brother's fault, and nothing to do with them," one user commented. "Typical estranged narcissistic parents. Huge NTA for you OP, and a backpat for that steely spine."

"Your brother is an a**hole in so many ways, but his homophobia claim is one I want to highlight," another user added. "If you told him to f**k off because he's gay, yes, that would make you homophobic. That's not why you said it though, you told him to f**k off because he treated you terribly and didn't see any reason to be in your life until he needed something."

"Brother needs to learn that he can't just use 'homophobia' as a reason just because he doesn't get his way," one comment read.

"Your parents are the ones making ridiculous and impossible demands of him and never taught your brother to be self-sufficient," another wrote.

Other users noted it was strange that the woman's parents were trying to influence her to give her child their surname rather than her husband's like the first child.

"Keep your parents and brothers out of your life," one commenter wrote. "As you said they want your current baby to carry their surname, not happening and I'm sure they will stop trying to weasel their way back into your life once the baby is born and isn't given their last name."

Newsweek reached out to uu/jdjcjcinsbxjic for comment.