Internet Backs Woman Who Says She 'Hates' Gifts She Receives From Partner

A woman got into an argument with her partner of four years when she said that a consistent issue she's had with the type of gifts she receives from him came to a head.

In her post on Reddit's "Am I the A**hole" forum, Reddit user askingforafriendzone wrote that she tells her partner exactly what she wants for Christmas when he asks, but he gives her something just a bit different from what she asks for.

"You know, I have an old one of those I could fix up for you instead," the Redditor claimed he typically replies with when she tells him what she wants.

The Redditor noted the two have jobs that pay well, and although they are not wealthy, money is not an issue.

"We can do 'nice' things like eat take out or go on a small vacation every once in a while," she wrote. "And we communicate well; he admits he needs guidance thinking of gift ideas for people."

While askingforafriendzone wrote that she gives him some ideas for something she would use and isn't too expensive, he gives her something thrifted or used.

"One year I pointed out a $75 used bike in a shop," the Redditor recalled. "He gave me his old bike [he's 6'5". I'm 5'4"]. Last year I asked for a hot stone massage at a spa, he gave me some massage oil and a 'coupon' for a massage from him."

Christmas Gift Exchange
A woman expressed her frustration on Reddit about the gifts she receives from her partner because they aren't what she explicitly asked for. Here, a stock image of a gift exchange. Ridofranz/Getty Images

A piece published with Psychology Today suggested the gifts one gives to their partner may show how they view the relationship.

Susan Pease Gadoua, LCSW, wrote in her article that if an individual's partner frequently gives the wrong gift, communication is important because there may be a misunderstanding.

"Don't let bad feelings pile up year after year, event after event," she wrote. "If your mate is really missing when it comes to getting you gifts you love, let him or her know."

When askingforafriendzone told her partner that she wanted a specific type of tent, she wrote that he said his father has a tent he doesn't use anymore, but it is not the specific type of tent she wanted. At her breaking point, the Redditor "exploded" and asked him why he asks her what she wants when he doesn't purchase it for her.

"Whooooa, you should hear yourself, 'I want, I want,'" askingforafriendzone wrote that her partner said to her before he began playing a video game he turns to when he's angry.

She wrote that she initially felt guilty and ungrateful when she receives gifts that she cannot use, but most commenters wrote she was not wrong for how she felt.

"You have every right to be upset," a top comment with more than 14,000 votes read. "It seems he doesn't care about getting you what you want and he just cares about saving money."

The commenter continued and suggested that if askingforafriendzone wanted her partner to understand her frustration, she should purchase a low-quality video game in the genre he enjoys playing.

In an update, the Redditor wrote that she purchased a video game that commenters suggested.

Others raised the question of whether he frequently purchases used items to give to the Redditor, but buys himself or asks for something new. Some raised concerns about how he treated her during the disagreement.

"If OP isn't able to have a conversation with her partner wherein he doesn't put effort into trying to dismiss her, shut her down or avoid listening to her, then this relationship isn't healthy," a comment read.

One commenter wrote that she should try to clearly explain why it's frustrating for her, but if he refuses to see her perspective, she should refuse to give him gift ideas in the future.

"Four years is a long time to not get at least one nice new meaningful gift," another person wrote. "If you could try talking to him without getting mad, say it's always bothered you, and maybe it was how he was raised, but you would like to start getting each other new, nice gifts. If he doesn't, s**t you said you're good financially so go and buy what you want."

In her update, askingforafriendzone wrote that she decided to purchase the tent that she wanted and ordered it to include gift wrapping.