Internet Blasts Parents For 'Blatantly Favoriting' One Twin Over The Other

Commenters blasted a man's parents after he claimed they "blatantly favorite" their daughter over her twin brother.

The post titled "AITA for favoring my scapegoat brother over his golden child twin sister?" was published to Reddit's popular "Am I The A**hole" forum, where it received more than 22,200 upvotes. and 1,440 comments from many from self-proclaimed scapegoats discussing their narcissistic families.

The term "scapegoating" refers to when a family targets or blames one member with problems the child had nothing to do with. While not always intentional, the behavior can be harmful to the victim – often a child – as they are put in the role of relieving conflict and tension.

Experts often write about individuals with narcissism creating at least one scapegoat and one "golden child" as a way to manipulate or displace blame.

Using the name u/throwaway649q, the anonymous poster, 20, explained that his two younger siblings are 18-year-old twins who he referred to as Joe and Jill.

Both Jack and Jill just graduated from high school this year and are planning on going away for college.

"Jill is my parent's favorite, because they've always wanted a daughter," the post read. "While Joe is their scapegoat, because I guess he's the bonus baby they never actually asked for."

The poster explained that even he felt "better off" than Joe because he is the oldest boy on both sides of the family, who he described as "blatant about their favoritism."

Since he felt bad for Joe, he said he tried his best to "make him feel less alone." This included taking him skating with friends while their parents took Jill shopping, or attending Joe's elementary school musical while the parents were at Jill's "kiddie pageant."

The man said Jill's "princess syndrome" went to her head which caused him to favor Joe more than her.

"Now I spend more time with Joe because I simply like him better than Jill. Never said it out loud, but I don't make it a secret either that I prefer not to spend my time with entitled brats," the post read.

The post explained that both Joe and Jill have figured out their college accommodations. He said that Jill decided to go to school in San Francisco that will be fully funded by their parents.

Joe, on the other hand, got a full scholarship to attend college in Seattle at the same school the poster went to but on a different campus.

"He got a full ride, which apparently makes him ineligible to get any financial help from his own parents," the post read. "This is also hardly surprising, so I made some calls to ask around, see if anyone is hiring next fall."

The man said he was talking to Joe on Facetime about helping him find a job and telling him that he was "better off without dad's money anyway" because it came with "string attached." He explained to Joe that this way his parents would have no business in what he spends his money on if he makes it himself.

"I guess Jill overheard, because the next day she sent me texts after texts demanding I help her find jobs as well because she doesn't want dad 'nagging her,'" the post read.

He explained that he politely told her that he did not know anyone in San Francisco and that she would get more help from their parents. He said Jill "blew up" and accused him of favoring Joe over her.

"It's true. I love both of my siblings, but I don't particularly like Jill," the post concluded. "It's not like she's making herself likeable, though, so AITA?"

According to Psych Central, some long-term effects of growing up in a family that scapegoated a family member include internalized shame, trust and relationship issues, gravitating toward the comfort of an abusive partner, and low self-esteem.

More than 1,000 users flocked to the comments section, many praising the poster for being a great support system for Joe. But others thought that he was too hard on Jill and that she too was a victim in the situation.

"...You went above and beyond, because without someone like you in his life Joe would have likely slipped into total f**k up territory," one user commented, receiving more than 28,300 upvotes and numerous awards.

The user continued, explaining that what he did for Joe was "beyond any measure of the acronyms" on the page.

"As for Jill, give her a chance to grow up without your parents constant dotage," the commenter continued. "She might surprise you."

"Remember that it is not your sister's fault, that her parents favoured her. It is also not her fault, that this made her entitled," another user wrote. "But she is an adult now, so it is her responsibility to do better in the future. She will need time for that."

Other users recalled not having anyone to defend them when they were younger, with many saying they wished they had an older sibling like the poster.

"NTA I am my family's scapegoat and wish I had an older sibling who looked out for me like that!" one user wrote.

"Being the scapegoat is a hard road but I have met more recovered scapegoats than Golden Children in these circumstances," another user commented. "But many of the adult Golden children I have met will never be self aware enough to see how broken they are as people."

"More Joe's brother please!!!!" another user echoed.

Newsweek reached out to u/throwaway649q but did not receive a response in time for publication.

Parents blasted over 'blatant favoritism'
Commenters were quick to support a man after he revealed he favors his brother, who is the family scapegoat, over his "golden child" sister. AndreyPopov/iStock