Kevin Smith Plays Dirty

I heard you just woke up.
I did—late night. "High School Musical 3" premiere.

Are you serious?
I am. The kid's a huge fan. She's 9. I was kind of dreading it, but I thought it was kind of cute. It is kind of the antithesis of our movie. When people get excited in their movie, they sing. When people get excited in our movie, they bang each other.

Did you do any research for your movie?
I've been researching "Zack and Miri" since I was 11. Sometimes three times a day, depending on who was in the house.

The MPAA censored the original movie poster.
They felt it was too risqué, so we got stick-figure posters. They agreed that it was innocuous enough. Cut to this week, when some child-study expert said the poster was damaging.

How did you get Brandon Routh to play a gay porn star?
He's the boyfriend of a gay porn star. That's a key difference.

He wasn't worried about playing gay?
I asked him, "Do you have some sort of morals clause in your contract, being that you play Superman?" And he said, "What is this, 1940?"

Are you still writing comic books?
I have a new book, "Batman: Cacophony." Batman faces off against a character called Onomatopoeia. His shtik is that he doesn't speak, he just mimics the noises you can print in comic books.

Is that a real character?
He is now, bitch.