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By Maria Azzurra Volpe
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The internet has backed a man who got into an argument with his wife after he told her that he's tired of raising a child that is not his.
In a post shared on Reddit in May, under the username u/Kitchen_Earth7954, the 31-year-old explained that his wife Amber is forcing him to take care of her best friend's daughter, Harper, because her "deadbeat" real father won't "step up" and do it himself.
Harper is the same age as his daughter, Emma, and is her best friend, so the two spend plenty of time together, especially during the weekend when the poster would prefer having father-daughter time instead.
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"I work more during the week so I wanted to spend Saturday with Emma and to give my wife a bit of a break," he wrote.
Instead, whatever he does with his daughter on a Saturday involves Harper, because her dad is too busy watching sports and drinking all weekend.
He wrote: "Take Emma to the zoo it's Emma, Harper, and I. Taught them both how to ride bikes, take them both to dance class, take them both to the kid's salon and so on.
"Mother's Day was the last [straw]. I took them both to dance class Saturday morning (Amber and I also pay for both dance classes because dead beet won't) on the way home Emma asked if we could stop to get something for mom for Mother's Day, I said sure but then it ended up I had to buy something for Harper to her mom as well.
"On the way home I just kept thinking why am I buying someone else's wife a Mother's Day gift, that's his job."
Children who feel a closeness to their father are twice as likely to enter college or find stable employment after high school as those who don't, according to Children's Bureau, a non-profit organization that focuses on vulnerable children and their families. They are also 75 percent less likely to have a teen birth, 80 percent less likely to spend time in jail, and half as likely to experience multiple depression symptoms.
After the Mother's Day incident, the poster told his wife he was tired of raising a child that wasn't his, but she didn't take it very well.
"She said that Jennifer is her best friend and we need to be there for Harper. Now she is not speaking to me and sleeping in the guest bedroom. So [Am I The A******]?" he wrote.
Evan Schein, partner and head of litigation at Berkman Bottger Newman & Schein LLP, told Newsweek that this is a tough situation and one with many layers.
He said: "On one hand, the wife wants to do what she feels is the right thing and take [of] her daughter's friend, Harper, in to provide her with stability and consistency that is lacking in Harper's life. On the other hand, the husband feels that this situation is being forced upon him and has concerns about the impact it is having.
"This situation is one that absolutely should be discussed and talked through. It is not uncommon for life decisions such as the one here to have a significant impact. However, if the situation remains not discussed and the parties continue to be at odds with how to handle the situation, the situation will escalate quickly. If this happens, the impact may be long-lasting both on Harper and the family."
On Saturday, the poster updated readers by saying that after arguing with his wife, she explained that her best friend's situation at home wasn't good and that she needed help.
He wrote: "Mother's Day was the straw that broke the camel's back for [wife's best friend] as well, she was raised in a you-must-stay-together for the kids family. When Harper came to me for a gift, she realized that her daughter did not see her sperm donor as a father so it was time to get out.
"Jennifer came to my wife to ask for help leaving because she had no family in the area and Jennifer does not have the financial resources to leave on her own."
After discussing how to help Jennifer, he and his wife decided to let Harper and her mom move in temporarily, since they have a four-bedroom house, and his daughter Emma couldn't be happier living with her best friend.
The post quickly gained popularity on social media and it has so far received over 15,400 upvotes and 2,500 comments.
One user, Responsible_Lawyer78, commented: "[Not The A******]. If your wife wants to step up for Harper, then SHE needs to do that, not put it on you. She should be taking her places and doing things with her."
And poweller65 said: "Just start taking Emma. If your wife pushes back, tell her that you and Emma need father-daughter time. She and Jennifer can take Harper to do something with them. Focus on the fact that Emma needs you and needs that one-on-one time with you."
One_night_on_mars wrote: "[Not The A******] but I don't think anyone is addressing the bigger picture. It sounds like Jennifer is keeping Harper away from her father for her well-being (you mentioned drinking). If Jennifer is [in] an abusive relationship you and your wife need to support and encourage her to leave. Your wife may be aware, which is why she was so defensive about wanting her to be there."
Strange_Salamander33 added: "[Not The A******]- personally I'd never be able to not take in a kid that needed it, a lot of kids with shitty parents have their mental health saved by the kindness of friends' parents who step up. That being said, it's not something you're required to do. I do feel bad for the kid though, none of this is her fault."
Newsweek reached out to u/Kitchen_Earth7954 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
If you have a similar family dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
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