Man Telling Mom the 'Exact Moment' He Lost Love and Respect for Her Praised
Internet users are rallying round a man who has chosen to cut off his terminally ill mom because he "lost all love and respect for her" during childhood.
In a viral post on Reddit's Am I the A******? thread, a user called Internal_Price669 explained that his mom had been an addict for many years. She now has end-stage kidney disease, but he doesn't want to help her anymore or act as her emergency contact.
The original poster, now 21, revealed that he had lost respect for his mother at 13 years of age, when she left her four children without food and his 15-year-old sister had to pick up the pieces.
The man told his mom his feelings in late February, after the clinic where she has dialysis called him to collect her.
He wrote: "I informed her that she needed to put someone else down because I wouldn't be answering those calls anymore, after she had her family members leave threatening messages to my older sister.
"That p***** her off, and she started going on about why I didn't love her anymore and when I stopped loving her. So I told her the exact moment I stopped loving her and respecting her when I was 13.
"I had just entered high school. I was big into football, and the coach at that time was brutal. He was making us practice two times a day, at 5am and after school.
"I told her how I woke up one morning and she was passed out on the couch off of whatever substance she was using at the time, and my older sister, only 15 at the time, was freaking out because we had no food."
His sister put together a meal from cooked rice, a can of beans and leftover chicken, to ensure the four children ate something before school.
She was also forced to miss a lot of classes so she could take her two younger girls to and from school.
"When I got home from school that day, my sister was in the kitchen cooking dinner," the man continued.
"There were some groceries in the fridge that she brought with the money that she got from selling her rings that our grandma gave her."
After he told his mother this, she "cried and told me that I was evil" and he had begun to wonder "if I should've been softer with her."
Suzanne Degges-White, a counselor and professor of counseling at Northern Illinois University, specializes in adults dealing with unexpected transitions and events, as well as family issues involving adult siblings.
While there is little doubt that the Redditor has lived through traumatic experiences, Degges-White said choosing to distance a close relative was a decision to be taken "after careful consideration." It has to be done in some instances, but it's best to address that conflict with the person before cutting them out for good.
"No one should feel guilty for making decisions that protect them from harm," she told Newsweek.
"Asking for space, or simply making the decision to create some space in a relationship, allows you to let go of the hurt that person has caused and to retrain your focus on the present, rather than staying locked into rumination of the past.
"When guilt flares up, remind yourself that your decision reflects self-preservation and harm reduction for yourself."
The Reddit post has received over 10,000 votes since it was shared on February 28 and more than 800 comments—the majority supportive.
One person commented: "You aren't evil. Your mother's neglect was."
Another Reddit user wrote: "I knew there is some pressure because she is dying, but she left your life and role as a parent as long time ago. Do not feel guilty of any sort for cutting contact at this time."
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