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By Jack Beresford
Senior Reporter
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A newly divorced man received an unexpected surprise from his friends to mark the start of a new chapter in his life.
Divorces are relatively common in America. According to a study published by the Census Bureau, around 40 percent of first marriages end in divorce.
That doesn't make it any easier for those involved. Research published in the American Journal of Psychiatry noted there are higher prevalence rates of major depression in both men and women who had gone through a divorce. The study also concluded that men were at greater risk of developing major depressive disorder for the first time after divorce.
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That's why it's so important for those going through divorce to have a good support network of friends who can help them see that while this is the end of one chapter of their lives, a new one awaits.
Billy, who is originally from Seattle and asked that his full name be omitted from this story, considers himself to be very lucky to have exactly that. Although, for the most part, his network isn't based back home in Washington but rather across the Atlantic in Ireland, where he now lives and works.
It all started with a college trip over 20 years ago. "My university, Pacific Lutheran University, encouraged students to study abroad. I was meant to go to China but that trip got canceled so I ended up going to Ireland," Billy told Newsweek. "I absolutely loved the people and Ireland in general and remember thinking 'If I ever get my master's degree, I'm going to do it here.'"
Fast-forward a couple of decades and after finding himself in a "kind of spiral" career-wise, Billy's wife convinced him to get the master's he had always talked about. He ended up finishing his degree at the University of Galway before landing a job as a lecturer in Dublin.
Despite all the success he was enjoying in his career, he ultimately ended up splitting up from his wife. "We had our troubles and the marriage ultimately didn't survive," he said. Billy and his wife had been married for 10 years, but it took just 90 days for them to get officially divorced in the U.S. The divorce was confirmed a matter of days ago.
It's all been very difficult to process but, as well as developing important links in his career, Billy has also cultivated a network of friends who have helped him through this period in his life. "The Irish are great and have been supportive through this entire hard process," he said.
They helped make sure he kept busy the day his divorce was confirmed.
"I went out and had some mulled wine and a night of Mongolian throat singing concert with some other friends," he said. "The next day was a quiet sort of reflection for the day, and then dinner and cake with friends."
That dinner was the night where a couple of his friends unveiled their special surprise after the main course: a divorce cake, featuring Star Wars icon Darth Vader and a message that read: "May Divorce Be With You."
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Billy said the cake was inspired by a joke he had told friends that he remembered from an Ellen DeGeneres joke: "Nobody gives you a cake when you come out."
"I was like 'nobody gives you a cake when you get divorced—I want a divorce cake,'" he said. His friends made it happen, adding a little light to a dark day in the process.
"It made me feel a sense of completion. It felt like a celebration of resilience, personal growth and the start of a new chapter," he said. "It does not come without a deep sense of mourning though. This isn't the outcome I would have hoped for, or the one I would have liked; but it does seem to be the one that was necessary ultimately for us both to grow."
It did remind him of something else. "I'm blessed with an awesome network," he said. That network includes his friends back home, whom he regularly meets up with online for gaming sessions via a VR headset. Going through this has made him aware how lucky he is and how difficult it must be for those who don't have the same.
"My friends in the U.S. and Ireland are the best—we chat everyday. They encourage me, keep me pointed in the right direction," he said. "I don't think most men don't have the same thing and that's a tragedy considering the struggles I had even with this network and counseling."
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