Man Cheered For Why He Didn't See Mom On Her Deathbed: 'She Failed Me'

A man's decision not to say goodbye to his mom or have anything to do with her funeral has been backed on the internet.

In a Reddit post, user u/TerribleSundown, explained that his "deeply homophobic" mom kicked him out as a 16 year old when she found out that her "disgusting son" was gay.

He said that he made a life for himself and added that he "never saw her again" after this.

The story reflects a harsh reality that many LGBTQ people have faced, with large sections of society refusing to accept different lifestyles. A 2021 survey by YouGov asked more than 10,000 adults across eight countries if they would support a family member if they were gay, lesbian or bisexual. In the U.S., just 48 percent of participants said they would be very supportive.

Results for the U.S. also showed that 9 percent of respondents wouldn't be supportive of a homosexual family member at all, which was the highest percentage across all eight countries in the survey.

Man Praised For Refusing To Help Mom
Main image, a man argues while on the phone. Inset, a stock image of a woman on her deathbed. A man has been praised online for refusing to have anything to do with his late mom's funeral. fizkes / KatarzynaBialasiewicz/Getty Images

The original poster (OP) had put the past behind him until recently when a man who said the dying woman was "like a mom to him" reached out to explain the situation.

"He wanted me to come back and say goodbye and arrange her funeral," the post continues. "I was shocked because he eventually admitted to hiring someone to get info on me so he could reach out."

The OP explained that he "was not interested" in making funeral arrangements for his mom, asking to be left alone instead, as he says "she failed me."

"He has continued to try and get me involved, has told me how she changed and accepted him and loved him, despite him being gay," the OP said. "I asked him if he really thought it would make me feel better [to know] that she could come around for a stranger, but not for her son."

The heated discussions continued, with neither man backing down from their stance, and the "surrogate son" criticizing the OP for being unwilling to forgive his mom.

Licensed clinical social worker Kaytee Gillis, has worked with many clients who have experienced trauma, including emotional neglect, abuse and family trauma. She has worked with many LGBTQ clients as part of her work with Choosing Therapy.

Speaking to Newsweek, Gillis said it's "absolutely OK" to distance yourself from a relative if they are an unhealthy or detrimental influence.

"Many of my clients have needed to distance themselves from biological caregivers, or other family members, for their own mental health, and this is a decision that only they can make," she explained. "It's a decision that I always support when and if they make that decision."

It's certainly not an easy decision to reach, which is why there is often "residual guilt." However, Gillis encourages clients not to see distancing from a parent as their fault, but rather the fault of whoever they're distancing themselves from.

"This helps clients remember that cutting contact is a result of this person's unhealthy behavior," Gillis said. "Allow yourself to feel and acknowledge the guilt, while remembering that the guilt does not necessarily mean that it's your fault."

The post was shared to Reddit's AITA [Am I The A******?] subforum on March 13 and had already accumulated over 7,000 votes at the time of writing.

With more than 900 comments, many Redditors have supported the OP for standing his ground after being disowned as a teenager.

One indignant person wrote: "People do have the ability to change (though that does not mean they are entitled to forgiveness), but even if OP's mom did a complete 180 in the type of person she was, she still made no effort whatsoever to make things right."

Another comment reads: "She experienced the consequences of her own actions. If she was really that repentant, she would have reached out long before he did. Unless you changed your name, or have an extremely common name, it's not hard to track people down."

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