Man Refusing To Learn How To Use Toaster, Boil Noodles Shocks Internet

A man who refuses to learn how to use basic kitchen appliances or how to cook meals after his girlfriend left for a week has the internet shocked.

Published to Reddit's r/AmITheA**hole forum, a woman under the anonymous username u/BurderThrowaway shared her story to get the opinions of the "AITA" community. The viral post has over 14,000 upvotes and 900 comments.

The original poster (OP) began her post by explaining that her boyfriend grew up in a household that "valued outdated gender norms" where a woman was always in charge of cooking and cleaning. He never learned how to cook and clean for himself until he moved in with the OP.

She wrote that he is good at helping with the dishes and laundry, but the one thing she can't get him to do is learn how to cook. He only knows how to make microwavable meals. When she tries to teach him basic cooking skills, he doesn't listen.

"He still can't turn on the oven or use the stove without help. The toaster is too complicated for him to use he claims. Doesn't know how to boil eggs, cook rice, or even how to measure out ingredients using cups. I just don't understand why he can't grasp this but is fine with other things," she wrote.

Man struggles to learn how to cook
In a post going viral on social media, the internet slams a man for refusing to learn how to use basic kitchen appliances. miniseries/iStock / Getty Images Plus

The OP explained that she went on a work trip recently and went to purchase groceries when she realized how expensive his microwavable meals were. Instead of buying them, she bought simple easy-to-make ingredients. OP couldn't cook for him and then leave the food in the fridge because he doesn't like eating leftovers.

Before she left, she went over how to use the kitchen appliances including the toaster and stove. She taught him how to cook eggs, boil noodles/rice, fry vegetables, heat up pasta sauce and how to toast a piece of bread. She also bought him ingredients to make salads and sandwiches.

She explained where things went wrong, "I come back a week later, and he is angry! He claims I practically left him to starve, and how I know he has trouble cooking. I retaliate, saying I showed him what to do, and I get a whole range of excuses. 'Setting the oven/stove temp is too complicated' 'He cut his finger chopping onions and couldn't chop any until his cut healed' 'He only likes the salad kits so everything is balanced.'

"Apparently he only ate sandwiches, canned goods, and fast food for a week. He thinks I'm a major a**hole for not telling him I'm not buying his frozen meals, and leaving him alone to fend for himself," she continued.

She regretted not telling him that she didn't purchase the microwavable meals for him. She admitted that she only learned how to cook certain foods after moving out, but since it took her boyfriend longer to learn the concepts of cooking, she feels like it justifies her actions.

Newsweek reached out to u/BurderThrowaway for comment.

Newsweek has published several articles regarding conflicts between couples including a man that was slammed for hiding his girlfriend's passport to keep her from going on a trip, a woman who was backed for lashing out at her jobless boyfriend and family and the debate that sparked after a girlfriend told her boyfriend she misses boyfriend being "chubby" after his weight loss.

What are basic foods you should learn how to cook before moving out on your own?

You can't spend money on fast food and eating at restaurants all the time, and there are plenty of foods you should learn how to cook before moving out on your own. According to, roasted chicken, classic spaghetti, scrambled eggs, salmon and chicken noodle soup are some foods you should know how to cook.

Redditor Responses

U/sharp-Yarn questioned, "Why you with some guy who can't manage to use a toaster?"

"Op, [Not the a**hole]. You are not responsible for your bf's food. Please consider if you want to be his free live-in cook. Also, nobody died from eating sandwiches for a week. Your bf is manipulating you into feeling guilty," u/Easy-Concentrate2636 said.

U/Elle_Vetica asked, "[Not the a**hole]. This is the literal definition of weaponized incompetence. Why are you f**ing someone you have to parent?"

"[Not the a**hole] - weaponised incompetence is a real thing. Can't use a toaster? Can't boil an egg or noodles? Get a life mate. He needs to grow up and stop being such a child. If he wants frozen meals, let him buy them out of his own money," u/Nearby-Possession204 wrote, "This is your future. What is he going to be like if you two decide to have kids. I'll bet changing a nappy is just going to be way too hard, or prepping a bottle (if that's how you choose to feed). You both need to sit down and have an adult conversation because this is ridiculous."

"[Not the a**hole] : women are not rehabilitation centers for men. Women are not replacement parents. While as partners we can all teach one another things, which you have, you are not responsible for someone who refuses to learn and become a better partner to you. Do you want to be with a child? I don't think you signed up to be a second mom to your boyfriend. Weaponized incompetence is abuse," u/Serendipity1007 warned the OP.

What is "weaponized incompetence?"

Many Redditors used the term "weaponized incompetence" in their comments made to the OP, but what does it mean? Weaponized incompetence—also known as "strategic competence"—happens when a partner or spouse refuses to learn a task in hopes that the other will end up doing it for them, according to Huff Post.

The word became well known after blowing up on TikTok after a woman posted a video of her grocery list with pictures for her husband to purchase the right products. The video grabbed the attention of many, making others aware of the term.