Analysis

Mitt Romney Blows Out Candles Like a Totally Normal Human (Nothing to See Here, Move Along)

Republican Senator Mitt Romney—who, despite his stature among the country's elite and pedigreed, does things in a totally normal fashion—completed his 72nd year of existing upon Earth on Tuesday. 

And a happy birthday it was!

Marking the occasion, various staff members cheerily presented Romney with a cake composed entirely of a popular common-man treat, the Hostess Twinkie snack cakes, which Romney enjoys to consume much like he takes pleasure in imbibing his favorite meat, the humble hot dog. "Happy Birthday, Dear Senator Romney" sang Romney's team in a video posted to the senator's Twitter timeline. It was sung normally and with great vigor and there was not a moment of awkwardness at all when the staff sang the phrase "dear senator." 

What joy! Spreading his arms and laughing—chuckling, as one does—Romney followed along with great exuberance as the staff that supports his legislative actions sang the traditional birthday song that is sung on birthdays. 

"Look at that, holy cow," exclaimed the senator, surveying the grandeur of his cake made from smaller cakes.  

Upon completion of the birthday song, Senator Romney began the process of blowing out the candles atop the Twinkie cake, as is tradition. Being normal, he plucked a single candle, brought it up to his puckered lips and, expelling a fraction of air, Romney extinguished the flame.

Grasping each small candle in his hands as he went along, the senator continued the process of extinguishing each tiny flame—contained in each flickering orange peak the hope of a prosperous year to come, but also a physical reminder of the human condition, which requires coming to grips with mortality. Upon each candle dying its little death, Romney held it in his hand. It was normal. There was nothing to see here. Move along.

 

 

"Don't burn yourself," said someone in the video, which was perhaps the only odd thing in the entire situation, considering folks globally perform the ceremonial extinguishing of flames each day without incident. 

"These are all wishes I'm getting," Romney said in a playful nod to the superstition that the tiny flames of candles contain the ability to grant us our dreams. The senator, one assumes, knew this to not be a real truth but rather something he—as is common—plays along with to further the communal experience of the birthday ceremony. 

After sharing another joke with his good friends and colleagues, the video ended. The senator was standing above a Twinkie cake, his hand chock-full-o-candles—as is normal and entirely unexceptional—another year recorded and noted. It was normal and if you think it was not, please find a new slant. 

It was a birthday cake ceremony, as we've all experienced as humans in the world. It was normal. 

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