...
By Lydia Patrick
Life & Trends Reporter
0
Share
Newsweek is a Trust Project member
See more of our trusted coverage when you search.Prefer Newsweek on Googleto see more of our trusted coverage when you search.
A mother has received widespread support for choosing to give her baby her own last name, as she and her partner are not married.
The Reddit user, u/throwthrow_530, a 28-year-old woman, shared her predicament on the subreddit "AITAH [Am I The A****]," where her post amassed 8,400 upvotes. She explained that she has been with her 30-year-old partner for three years, but they have not married.
"Moreover, he proclaims that he doesn't believe in formal marriage and says it's a scam for men. Recently we've had an 'oops' and I got pregnant, and while it wasn't planned, we talked about children before and both wanted to be parents eventually.
Read More on Life
"However, he wants to give the baby his last name, and I think that no ring => baby gets my last name. Now he is saying that I am holding the baby's name hostage and pressuring him into marriage, and that I am an AH. So, Reddit, am I?" she wrote.
She noted that a hyphenated surname would not be feasible, as both their last names are long and difficult to spell.
Family Law Perspective
Thomas Erb Jr., an Ohio-based family law attorney, provided his perspective to Newsweek.
In Ohio, if a mother is unmarried at the time of her child's birth or conception, she has the legal right to choose the child's last name on the birth certificate.
"The father's name—and any legal parental rights—cannot be added unless paternity is officially established. This is typically done by both parents signing an Acknowledgment of Paternity Affidavit.
"If both parents agree, this same form can also be used to change the child's last name. However, if there's a disagreement, the matter may be brought before the court, which will make a decision based on the child's best interests.
"Until legal paternity is established, the father does not have any legal authority over parental decisions, including naming the child," he explained.
...
It's important to note that naming laws vary across different states. For instance, in some states, parents have significant freedom in naming their child, while others impose restrictions on certain names, characters, or the number of names.
In Mississippi, a child automatically takes the father's last name, but in Louisiana, a baby automatically takes the mother's name if she was not married 300 days before the birth.
Psychological Perspective
Dr. Sanam Hafeez, a New York-based neuropsychologist, highlighted the emotional, legal, and social significance of last names with Newsweek.
When choosing their child's last name couples need to evaluate multiple aspects such as cultural practices and personal preferences alongside legal requirements and family relationships.
"During the naming process they need to decide between using traditional naming conventions or opting for hyphenation and whether to establish a new surname that represents both parents. Unmarried parents need to evaluate legal factors like custody rights and documentation requirements when choosing their child's last name. Parents need to evaluate how their child's name will affect their identity formation and relationship with both parents while also considering potential challenges like name changes. Respectful communication is key between parents to ensure the decision aligns with both parents' values and the child's best interests," she explained.
Reddit Reacts
The Reddit community largely supported the mother's decision.
One user commented, "He wants untraditional and you're giving it to him. It's not a hostage thing."
Another shared, "Yep. My babies will be getting my name. Husband is on board. Parents-in-law? Upset. I don't care. I told them that tradition should only matter when it doesn't serve as a mask for injustice."
A different user noted, "Men love to pick and choose which 'traditions' apply to them. Baby out of wedlock? Sure. Baby not having his last name? But it's tradition!"
Another pointed out, "Yeah! OP should tell him that it's an old tradition as well to name the child after her mother without marriage."
Resolution
Following the feedback, the original poster provided an update: "The baby will have my last name as a last name, his last name as a middle name, and one of the names traditionally passed down in his family depending on whether it's a boy or a girl."
Newsweek reached out to u/throwthrow_530 for comment via Reddit. We could not verify the details of the case.
Newsweek's "What Should I Do?" offers expert advice to readers. If you have a personal dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice on relationships, family, friends, money and work and your story could be featured on WSID at Newsweek.
View 0 Comments
Submit Correction
View Editorial & AI Guidelines