Mom's Fear Daughter Won't Get 'Traditional' Proposal Slammed Online

A mother has been slammed online for wanting her daughter to wait around for a wedding proposal that may never come rather than have a conversation with her partner about what they both want for their future.

In a post shared on Mumsnet on Tuesday, the mother, who goes by the username Bluebellewoods, explained that her 28-year-old daughter has been in a relationship with a man for the past year and half and she is now ready to sit down with him and talk about wedding and family timelines. When the daughter asked her mother for help on how to approach the conversation, she told her to give it some thought.

"What I really want to say to her is just wait, she's still so young and has so much time! I'd understand if DD [dear daughter] had been waiting for years, but their relationship is still relatively new and I don't think rushing an engagement at this time and sacrificing the traditional surprise is justified. AIBU [am I being unreasonable]?" she wrote.

Mother and daughter having a conversation
A stock image shows a woman and her mother having a vivid conversation. A mother was criticized by the internet for telling her daughter to wait around for boyfriend to propose rather than asking him where their relationship is going. Getty Images

While tradition usually sees men on one knee popping the big question with a diamond ring, some believe that women should do it instead. According to a survey by event planner Chillisauce, about 57 percent of women were willing to propose to their partners, and 76 percent of men thought women should.

But being willing to propose and actually doing it are two different things. In fact, the same data gathered from the survey shows that in 2019 only about 16 percent of women proposed to their partner. It's a big rise since 2010, when only 5 percent of women proposed to their partners (in heterosexual relationships).

The Mumsnet community was quick to take the daughter's side and put the mother back in her place. One user, Derbee, said: "YABU [you are being unreasonable] because it's none of your business." Lameasahorse commented: "You are far too involved in your 28-year-olds DD life."

SleepingStandingUp added: "Oh your poor daughter, how sad for her. Fancy not sitting there waiting on a man to prove her worthiness to her by proposing. How dare she take control of her own life, be open about her needs with her partner and find the best way forward together. Doesn't she know real Princesses never make their needs important???"

Threetulips pointed out: "Not sure why you think we are all sat about waiting to be proposed to?

"It's never as romantic as people seem to think, some get drunk and pop the question others are flown to the moon! Makes no difference to a couple who are compatible."

ChiefWiggumsBoy added: "YABU. She isn't you. I would have cringed my a*se inside out if I had a 'traditional' proposal. Maybe she feels the same way. The proposal is by far the least important part of a happy marriage, which I'm sure you know, so focus on the stuff that matters."

NoSquirrels said: "I didn't have a surprise proposal, but married at 30 and it's honestly nothing I've ever considered to be close to a regret—and if my mum was upset on my behalf about it I'd have thought her extremely over-involved and rather old-fashioned."

Some people also told the mother that it is possible to get the best of both worlds and get a surprise proposal after discussing future plans. Imperialminty said: "You can have the conversations and the surprise, and your daughter absolutely SHOULD be having the conversations! In this day and age you shouldn't be completely shocked when someone proposes—it should be something you both know you want and have discussed what your marriage will look like in my opinion."

Aquamarine1029 added: "It's a shame that she seemingly hasn't discussed her expectations and needs with her boyfriend before they started living together. So many women walk blindly into this scenario and end up wasting a lot of precious time."