Mom Told to Confront Sister 'Lying' About the Money Their Parents Give Her

The internet has told a woman to confront her lying sister about all the money their parents have given her, after revealing she calls her to complain about how she never receives any help and is left to fend for herself and her two kids.

In a post shared on Mumsnet earlier in February under the username Horseyhorsey17, she explained that both she and her sister are single moms with two kids, but her sister receives much more help from their parents than she does.

While she works full time, her sister has never been able to hold a job for longer than six weeks, even though she's university-educated, and her parents constantly help her financially, in fact, they even gave her money to buy a house, and fund most of her mortgage payments. Moreover, because she lives miles away from home, she never gets free childcare as her sister does.

woman told to confront lying sister
File photos of elderly parents talking to daughter and an angry woman. The internet has told a woman to confront her lying sister about how much help she receives from their parents. Getty Images

According to a survey carried out by personal finance site Credit Karma in October last year, almost a third of all millennials and Gen Zers, who are over the age of 18, still get financial support from their parents.

The poster said that her parents don't really want to do everything for her, but her mom is a "soft touch," and always agrees. No matter what their parents do for her, her sister always calls the poster up complaining that she doesn't receive any help and that since their parents are rich they should give her more money.

"What does bother me is that my sister tries to gaslight me about this. I just found out yesterday that they bought her a new washing machine as hers packed up. My last conversation with my sister was a couple of days ago and that wasn't mentioned at all. I've never said to her 'I know they help you loads, stop lying' because I know it would lead to WW3.

"I also worry a lot [about] what's going to happen when my parents die (as they're in their late 70s now) and she becomes my problem! When her kids leave home and she doesn't get those [benefits] anymore, how is she going to finance herself?" she wrote.

Marni Goldman, a certified life coach and the author of "True to Myself," told Newsweek that sisters are like different flowers from the same garden, each blooming in its own time.

'Not a Competition'

She said: "A lily is completely different from a rose, the same way you are completely different than your sister. First and foremost, throw away the bitterness. Heal the part of you that harbors underlying resentment. Your sister has probably been unstable most of her life, and, as mothers, it breaks our hearts knowing we can't fix our child/children, so we compensate in other ways.

"Whether it be mortgage payments or babysitting, this is your parents' way of alleviating any guilt or sadness they might feel. You're thinking with your ego and not your soul. Your parents know your sister's limitations, so they bend over a little more backward for her. That doesn't take away the love they have for you. It's not a competition. Your sister being unstable should not be looked upon as something shameful. It should be met with compassion and kindness. She didn't ask to be born this way."

According to Goldman, the best thing to do as a family is to express her concerns, even if they end up "agreeing to disagree," as long as everybody is on the same page.

"Communicate with one another calmly. Possibly meet with an attorney and set up a trust. Having an honest conversation with your family is imperative. You all want to achieve the same goal, remember, you're on the same team. You are very blessed to have such loving parents. Gratitude is the best attitude! That should be their worst fault, that they are too kind," she added.

Most of the 200 replies the post received agreed she should confront her sister. One user, TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu, commented: "Of course, she loves drama. Narcs feed off it. She also has plenty of time to concoct drama, not needing to work. Why force yourself into a corner over it though? So what if she goes off like a bomb?

"Clean air & sunlight is a powerful disinfectant for subterfuge & b*******. What's the worst that could happen, if you just calmly tell her to stop lying to you? She shrieks at you? - hang up or walk away. She stops speaking to you? - great. No need to torture yourself by meekly accepting her b******* then wasting hours of your own time seething in frustration."

Another user, Beachhutnut said: "Can you talk to your parents and say no judgment but you need to think about how she's going to cope without your crutch and is it worth slowly withdrawing financial support and encouraging her to find her own feet."

While Nimbostratus100, on the other hand, wrote: "Just back off, what is it to you? Get on with your own life, and have your own relationship with your parents."

WelshNerd said: "I have a brother who still lives at home, had never worked so my parents literally pay for everything. All you can do is disengage, lower your expectations (especially regarding inheritance), and don't worry now about what will happen when your parents die."

MatildaTheCat added: "I'd be worried that down the line as your parents get frail she might try to take advantage of her proximity to them and end up living in a property with them which she will have manipulated them into putting in her name.

"Your Dad sounds quite astute, have a conversation with him about boundaries and helping her to launch herself into adulthood (very late) which would benefit everyone."

Newsweek wasn't able to verify the details of the case.

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