Mom-of-6 Urged to Take $30K From Parents Despite Their Terms and Conditions

A mom-of-six has turned to the internet for advice after her parents offered her a large amount of money. But there's a catch.

In a viral Mumsnet post, user PyongyangKipperbang explained that she and her sister are due $30,000 each from their parents. However, the sibling is able to do as she pleases with the cheque, and the original poster isn't.

The woman, 50, wrote that she intends on paying the remainder of her mortgage off, outright buying a second-hand car, and putting the rest of the money into her savings. But her parents want her to spend all the remaining cash on a brand-new car.

Woman urged to take money
Stock images of sad woman and of someone receiving a check. A Mumsnet user has expressed her concerns about the terms and conditions with accepting the cash gift from her parents. GeorgeRudy / AndreyPopov/Getty

She believes her mother thinks she is "feckless" and her sister is "savvy".

"Sometimes I have struggled for money. I am stable now and have been for a long time but she has never ever trusted me, ironic as I am the person she calls whenever she needs something.

"The mortgage thing is a done deal, I can't change that, but WIBU [would I be unreasonable] to turn down the rest of this "gift"? To me a gift that comes with strings is not a gift but an obligation, and it has brought up so many old feelings of how my mother views me," she wrote.

However, the woman can't afford to turn down the offer as it would be life-changing. But she wants to set up an emergency fund as she has no savings whatsoever.

"But no, I need to be watched. I should have a grown-up with me when I choose a car and the grown-up will pay for it instead of me having the money in my hand.

"Frankly, right now I feel like telling them to shove it. I am definitely on the side of saying "Thanks but no thanks" and telling them that they should give it to the child they trust to spend it "wisely". I have no issue with my sister, she is my best friend," she wrote.

She explained she only agreed to the plan as she knew it would make a massive difference to her sister who is renovating her house.

The woman ends the post: "My crime I think was having a baby at 17, that marked my card for life. Everything I have achieved since means nothing."

The Bank of Mom and Dad Has No Interest Rates

Sally Baker, a London-based family therapist, told Newsweek that money from parents is more beneficial than a loan.

Baker said: "The bank of mom and dad may not charge interest or even demand money is paid back, but it often comes with more conditions than any main-street lender whatever the interest rate.

"Money gifted within families is always about something more than cash. It's easy for generosity to be viewed as judgments when there is any variation in the amount or the terms and conditions," Baker added.

"Clearly how this has been handled by her parents has been hugely triggering for this daughter who still feels negatively judged, even after a life well lived and with plenty to be proud of.

Baker said: "In therapy, I often say it's not what happened that causes the most-enduring harm. It is the judgments we make and beliefs that undermine self-confidence and self-esteem for decades."

Baker advises the woman against telling her parents what she believes they feel about her as they could simply say it isn't true.

"The depth of hurt she feels is indicated by the language she fantasizes about saying to them and the actions she'd like to take refusing the money if it wouldn't be so financially ruinous for her.

"Ideally, she could use some of the windfalls from her parents to have therapy to resolve and release negative self-judgments she has that are so readily activated by them," Baker said.

What Do the Comments Say?

More than 200 people have commented on the Mumsnet post since it was shared on February 12.

One user posted: "To be a single parent to 6 children with less than £25k left on a mortgage at age 50 you've done pretty damn amazing. I'd be inclined to tell her to stick it but then you'd be cutting off your nose to spite your face! No real advice but I just wanted to say I don't know how she can be under the impression you've not done amazingly well."

"Even if you don't use the money exactly as you wanted you're still better off taking it than not taking it..." posted another.

Another wrote: "I understand your frustration and it depends what your priorities are. Practically the best available option is to take the mortgage payment and whatever car they are offering. Then you can build savings from money you would have paid on [a] car yourself. Your reaction is emotional and understandable but I don't think the rejection of the gifts will have the desired outcome. You clearly would rather respect and trust the money but I don't see how rejecting their offer will get you that."

Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.

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