Mother Backed for 'Begging' Daughter Not to Have Another Baby

A mother received online support for sharing that she "begged" her daughter not to have another baby.

Posting in Reddit's "Am I The A**hole" forum on Tuesday under the username u/Any_Variation9646, the mother explained that she and her husband are their grandchildren's full-time caretakers. So when she heard her daughter was trying for another baby, she "begged her to reconsider," stating she doesn't want to raise another child.

The post has garnered more than 10,000 upvotes and over 1,400 comments from Redditors who said u/Any_Variation9646's daughter was taking advantage of u/Any_Variation9646's kindness.

According to a 2012 study by the University of Chicago, about 60 percent of grandparents provided some form of child care for their grandchildren over a 10-year period, Care.com reported. Of those who provided care, 70 percent cared for their grandkids for more than two years.

Mother-Daughter argument
A mother received online support for sharing that she begged her daughter not to have another baby. fizkes/istock

"One of the main reasons so many parents are being forced to rely on grandparents for help is the rising cost of child care," Care. com explained. "In many U.S. households, working parents are struggling to afford quality care for their kids."

In her post, u/Any_Variation9646 said her daughter and son-in-law initially asked her and her husband to take care of their children full-time so that they could "continue to work and afford their comfortable life."

"We agreed, but we didn't discuss much more than watching the baby and their expectations," she wrote. "Our arrangement worked and we enjoyed having the kids except by year 3 (2020) we started to feel like they were taking advantage of our help."

During the lockdown, she said, her daughter and son-in-law were forced to work from home, so they asked u/Any_Variation9646 to watch their kids every day.

"We settled on two with them and three with us and my SIL [son-in-law] complained about it pretty much every day," u/Any_Variation9646 recalled. "Things got better when the kids were able to [go to] school."

With both children in school, u/Any_Variation9646 said that she and her husband felt like they were "getting [their] days back," which is why they didn't respond well to the news that their daughter is trying to get pregnant with another child.

"I asked her what her childcare plan was and she looked at me like I was crazy and said us! I said that it would have been nice if she told me this before trying for another baby, [but] she said it is none of my business," u/Any_Variation9646 wrote. "I said it is if I'm providing 5 more years of babysitting! I then told her that we were not a viable childcare option for a new baby and begged her to reconsider."

u/Any_Variation9646's daughter then accused u/Any_Variation9646 of forcing her to "choose between her dream of three kids and financial stability."

Redditors, on the other hand, assured u/Any_Variation9646 that she did nothing wrong by standing her ground.

"NTA [not the a**hole]. They are taking advantage of you. [Stick] to your guns and refuse to be their free childcare. You've raised your kids, you shouldn't have to raise theirs too," wrote u/Stoney_Wan_KaBlowme.

"NTA and they ARE taking advantage of you. Does your daughter not realize you are exhausted and should be a retiree now?" asked u/bunkbedgirl1989. "Please please set boundaries NOW...You need to manage their expectations before they make any decisions. Explain you will not be able to help with childcare anymore because you are exhausted."

Redditor u/Historical_Gloom added: "Your daughter is taking advantage of you and has been. You have every right to want a break or even stop child care altogether. You raised your kids. You have even had your own career. It is time for you to have a break."

Newsweek has reached out to u/Any_Variation9646 for comment.

u/Any_Variation9646 isn't the first person to go viral for posting about a childcare dispute online. Posting on Mumsnet in March, a mom said she was upset her parents wouldn't take care of her children, who had COVID at the time.

In January, another Mumsnet poster went viral for sharing that her mother asked to be paid for watching her grandchild. And last week, a woman went viral on Reddit for sharing that she'd been labeled as a "bad mother" after telling her son she's unable to care for his infant child.