Internet Supports Mom Whose Partner Won't Put Her in His Will

A mom-to-be has been backed by internet users after expressing concern over her partner's plans to not leave her anything should he pass.

Posting to popular online forum Mumsnet, the woman asked for advice on her troubling situation, after the father of her child asked to leave everything in a trust to their daughter. He has however taken life insurance which will go to her.

The woman and her partner are both in their forties and expecting their first child together, but she confirmed that they are not married, making it all more complicated. According to the expectant mother, she is currently the highest earner of the pair and pays the bills and mortgage alone as his business is not doing so well. She also has left the house to him in her will.

"He has a lot of family assets so he'll always be okay financially," she confirmed. "My family is not so well off, so I'm not expecting big inheritances in the future."

"He's asked today if he can leave everything to our daughter in trust (I work in this field). I said that yes he can, and gently reminded him that I have a big mortgage and on my death he can have the house," she wrote.

"I know that wealthy people sometimes do this where they leave everything directly to the children, but am I being unreasonable in thinking that he's not considered me at all in this.

"I'm beginning to feel that he's 100% committed to our daughter but not really to me."

In the U.S., the median inheritance is $69,000, according to the Survey of Consumer Finances, while the median trust fund wealth transfer was $285,000.

It's far from uncommon for family arguments to be caused by it. For the most part, however, the squabbling seems to occur between siblings and not the partner while still alive, leading the mom to the internet to find a solution to her more unique situation.

Couple arguing
Stock image of a couple arguing. Getty Images

An overwhelming number of responders backed the woman, expressing concern over how she would manage to look after their daughter alone with nothing given to her other than life insurance.

"What's the point of his money being tied up in trust, when the surviving parent can't even afford to house the child?" asked one user.

"We have young children, so as far as we're concerned the whole purpose of our assets is to enable the surviving parent (or their guardians in the absolute worst case) to raise them to adulthood as comfortably as possible. If they never see a penny as adults but have been securely housed, fed, clothed and had a safe and secure upbringing, then the money will have done its job," wrote another user who reassured that she was not being unreasonable.

"Obviously since we love each other, we want the surviving spouse to have things as easy as possible in what would be very very difficult circumstances."

Most suggested that the woman change her plans to leave him the house, reasoning that if he was to marry someone else, they would eventually end up with it instead. "If he marries someone else they get it when he dies and your daughter misses out completely," wrote one user. "Leave it in trust for her."

"Realistically and it happens everyday, either of you could get into another partnership and your daughter gets nothing. You have to protect her inheritance while making it fair so no-one is homeless, or her childhood isn't impacted by a struggling single parent."

The original poster clarified that she does want her daughter to inherit the money, but feels that her being able to keep a roof over their heads should be prioritized somewhat. "I'm not interested in inheriting what his family have one bit, but just to make sure that I'm not left struggling when I've been prepared to leave my home to my partner for my daughter's eventual benefit," she wrote.

Despite the majority of reactions being in support of the mom-to-be, some sided with the husband, unable to understand why she would need the money if she is already the sole breadwinner.

"You are paying all the bills now - so if he wasn't here tomorrow it would make zero financial difference?" asked one user.

"How would you be struggling when you already pay all the bills now? The only assets he may have is his inheritance which you've clearly said you are miffed about that he hasn't thought to name you as a beneficiary?

"Surely life insurance will give you enough money to pay off your mortgage and ensure you are not struggling. He isn't contributing to your mortgage now so financially anyway you won't be in a worse position should something happen to him, you are managing on your own now," commented another.

While others suggested that should her partner pass away, circumstances with her income would likely change due to a variety of reasons including child care: "I think that's a naive view. If her partner died, she would likely struggle to earn at the same level for all sorts of possible reasons - grief, mental health problems, care for a DC suffering the same after losing their father, possibly even injuries from an accident depending on the circumstance. Plus the fact that single parents often struggle to work as many hours as those with a partner."

One user gave a suggested solution to require the partner makes a trust for the daughter along with monthly provisions for the mother to support her until the age of 21.

The original poster concluded that she now plans to reconsider things after seeing the online response.

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